Endless Dream [kickthepewdie]

Morning Thoughts

Have you ever wanted to sleep? Not sleep normally and wake up the next day but sleep as never waking up?

Many people is afraid to die, so is PJ, it can be scary to think of death. He have never wished to die or someone else to die. But he wish he could just sleep. Sleep and be in his dreams forever. Stay in the bed all days and sleep.

PJ pulled the cover over his face and closed his eyes to make it more dark. He have never been afraid of the dark, he enjoy it since it means he can sleep better. It isn't so easy to sleep when the sun is shining on someones face.

PJ started to imagine he was diving. Diving deep in the ocean. There no one else have been. The only thing he had was a lamp, no mask to make him able to breath just the lamp who lighted up his way in the dark. Sometimes it could feel he wasn't in the ocean but was swimming in space instead and saw all the small shining things pass him while he continued swimming forward.

But then it started to be brighter and noises was filling the empty ocean. PJ opened his eyes as the clock ringed. He didn't see the point why he still had an alarm on it. He took off the cover from his face and reached his phone and stopped it. 7.01am, he should get ready for school but he just stared at his phone for a long while before he put it down.

He didn't go yesterday, or the day before that. PJ usually skipped classes when he felt extra low. And today was one of those days he couldn't pull himself out of the bed.

His curly hair fell a little bit down on his face and he turned around to face the wall. College should be the 3 years of fun but it looks like his last year will be, once again, boring and he will stay in bed.

It is unbelievable how he is still there. He does his homework on his laptop that they have, he does all the tests but he isn't there on his lessons. PJ's parents have scold at PJ so many times for that.

"You're 20 years old! You should take care of yourself!"
"Don't you care about your future?"

No, why would he care about the future when he knows what is facing him. Find a job, be stuck at the job, have shitty payment, living in a dusty old apartment, no friends, no family.

PJ knew he would end up alone. He has always been alone, or well, he's been alone since he was 13. Highschool was a mess, he lost most of his friends and for some reason he went quiet and shy. People would laugh at him when he went up to the whiteboard and stuttered his way through his speech.

Laugh at him when he said something wrong, laugh at him when he dropped his stuff because a jerk pushed him. It was there he started to skip classes. But at home it wasn't better.

His parents constantly fought about everything, money, food, the house and everything else that would come up to their minds. So he locked himself in his room when his parents had left the house and believed their son would go to school. But he didn't.

PJ closed his eyes hard and held his hands around his head, he hated when he thought about the past. He hated everyone, he hated the reality.

He breathed heavy and slowly while he opened his eyes and felt small tears escaping from his eyes.

PJ looked at the white wall, why couldn't he just accept that his life is and will forever be shit.