Revived [on hold]

3

I'm pretty sure I fell asleep as soon as I got in the car, but I'm also pretty sure we were sworn at by frustrated drivers at least 10 times, maybe more, before we were even halfway home.

I remember waking up at some point, I remember a strong aroma of vodka from the group. Then I remember a woods, I remember it being dark, so dark, I remember the car swerving between the two lanes. Then I remember the worst part. I remember the swearing, I remember the chorus of screams, the car turning over and flying off the road as if it had wings, the smashing of the glass, the loud thunk as we landed.

Sirens blaring. Paramedics calling to each other. Ellie was screeching like a banshee to the rest of the girls, who all replied in a flustered panic that they were okay, but they got to me, they were all calling my name and in my thoughts I was opening my mouth and calling, "I'm fine." But in reality, the words were jammed in my throat like a child choking on a boiled sweet. My mouth was sewn shut like some sort of sickening Halloween costume. And worst of all, I couldn't even move.

I could feel myself being put on an uncomfortable stretcher, and being carried into an ambulance. I could hear the paramedics yelling to me in a desperate attempt to wake me up, I could feel them shaking my shoulders.
But I couldn't reply.

My next memory was lying in a hospital bed, attached to some sort of drip, hearing my heart monitor. Beep. Beep. Beep. I was alive, for now, but when would it stop?

I heard my mum crying and felt her holding my hand, her other hand on my legs, shaking, "Zara!" She cried in anguish, "Zara, baby, I told you to stay safe! What have you done to yourself!" I didn't care if  I couldn't talk for the rest of my life, I didn't care if I died in the next five minutes, all I wanted to do was to wake up and hug my mum for the last time.

Then another soft sob joined in from the other side of the bed. Eleanor. "Zara, please, please wake up. It's the only thing I want in this world, I just want you to wake up and tell me you're okay."

In desperation, I tried to sit up and hug her so tight that I'd never let her go again, but my eyes wouldn't even open. Why me? Why did everyone else come out perfectly fine and I was stuck unable to do anything? Unable to even tell my own family that I'm okay?

Hours passed of crying, until I hear a third voice. "Zara? Oh my god. Zara, please wake up. This hasn't happened, surely, I'm dreaming. Oh my god. Why isn't that me in the bed? Why isn't it me unable to move? I miss you Zara, wake up, I'm begging you!" The girl's voice was thick with tears, and after a minute, I realise, it's Lillie.

More than anything, I was glad that she was alive. But I so badly wanted to open my eyes to see her one last time. I knew I was going to die soon, my heart monitor had already gone mental 4 times in the past hour.

I just wanted to say goodbye. I wanted to tell my parents I loved them. I wanted to tell Lillie I miss her. I wanted to see my dad's grave one last time before I joined him up in heaven.

I was alive. I just wasn't the same.