I Swear That I Can Hear You In the Wind - A Sequel

Track Ten.

I sat up quickly, sucking in a sharp breath as I fought to slow my racing heart. The sheets beneath me were soaked with sweat, my body sticky, coated with fear and desperation. It was just a dream, I said to myself. Just another dream.

The last few nights had been restless, ever since I had come face to face with my past. I was trying, with everything inside of me, to push it to the back of my mind, to forget that we even crossed paths, but nothing I had done was working, and it was eating me alive from the inside out. He obviously hadn't recognized me, or if he did, he didn't let it show, but that short moment had triggered something inside me, and all I could feel was pain. It was like I was 27 again, feeling it for the first time, all alone with my thoughts and my fears, acting out as I tried relentlessly to make the pain stop.

I peeled myself out of the bed and sulked into the bathroom, forcing myself into the shower, hoping the warm water beating down on my skin would make me feel more alive.

The hot water stung as it caressed my body, and I watched I pooled at my feet before swirling into oblivion. I felt as if I was stuck in a trance, as if my mind was far away and I couldn't reel it back in.

I heard the unmistakable click of the bathroom door as it opened. I knew it was Vic, it wouldn't be anyone else. My breathing hitched, being involuntarily trapped in my throat, and I continued to stand under the falling water as I waited for him to speak. But he never said anything. The frosted shower door opened revealing Vic, his clothes discarded at his feet. He stepped under the water, his body inches from mine, a goofy grin stretched across his face.

"Noah's asleep," he said softly, brushing a lock of wet hair from my face. He closed the distance between us, pressing his lips against mine, and I tried to relax under his touch, hoping for a distraction from the thoughts that had been harassing my mind. His lips worked their way across my cheek and down my jaw line, attaching themselves to my neck, and I allowed my eyes to fall closed. His hands ran gently up and down my sides, and thought I tried my best to enjoy it, my mind, and my body, had other ideas.

My body suddenly felt like it was on fire, and his fingers felt like needles on my skin. Images began to play through my mind; Vic's lips were replaced with Derrik's; Vic's hands were now Derrik's hands, and I began to squirm, trying to get away from him, determined not to let him have his way with me a third time.

"Stop," I whimpered as I struggled beneath his touch. I placed my palms against his bare chest, pushing lightly. My eyes snapped open and I was confronted with Vic's questioning glare. I squeezed past him, without a word, as tears began to fall from my eyes. I stepped out into the cool air and grabbed a towel from the rack, begging my legs not to give out from underneath me. I could hear Vic following behind me as I retreated to the bedroom. Taking a seat on the edge of the bed, I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to regain my composure.

"What was that about?" He asked as he stood in front of me, wrapping a pink towel around his waist. "What's wrong?" His voice was laced with alarm and confusion. I couldn't force myself to meet his gaze; I continue to stare at the patterns that were etched into the carpet.

"Nothing," I finally croaked, my voice squeaking, further giving away my deception. Vic sighed, and though my eyes were trained on the ground and I could see vague movement from my periphery.

"Are you still mad about the other night?" His voice was soft, and the mattress dipped as he took a seat next to me. I inhaled through my nose, feeling the air invade my lungs, and though goosebumps still occupied my skin I could feel my nerves beginning to slowly dissipate.

"No, Vic," I said, shaking my head. "I'm not mad at you."

"Then what is it, baby?" He reached over and brushed his thumb across my cheek, feeling his eyes on me, begging for a response.

Part of me wanted to make something up to appease him and keep everything inside, not wanting to drag him in to the mess inside my mind. But that hadn't really worked so well for me in the past; it just cause a whole slew of other problems for both of us. And now with our kids involved, I didn't know my inability to handle my emotions get in the way of their childhood. They didn't deserve that.

"I saw him." I finally mustered up the courage to speak and my voice came out broken and flat.

"You saw who?"

I lifted my head to look at him, our eyes meeting, and without having to say another word I watched as realization swept his face, soon being replaced by anger.

His body tensed, his fists clenching as his side. I sucked my lower lip into my mouth. "When?" His voice cracked as he attempted to remain calm.

"The other night." I paused. "At the bar." His face dropped and he sunk his teeth into his bottom lip, gnawing hard.

"Lyla," he whispered as sorrow occupied his eyes. I just shrugged, unsure of what exactly to say. "I'm so sorry, baby. God, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault."

"Vic, it's not-"

"It is. You wouldn't have been there if I wouldn't have been wallowing in self pity like a pussy." He fidgeted with his fingers as his eyes found mine once more. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"You passed out before I could." He cringed at my words.

"Did he, he didn't, did he hurt you? Did he say anything to you?"

"No. He didn't recognize me," I replied and Vic frowned. He reached out and took my hand, tracing circles on the back of my hand with his thumb.

"Baby, I, I'm - I'm sorry that I haven't been the man you need me to be you need me to be." I squeezed his hand and he squeezed back. "I, what do you need me to do for you? I'll do anything?"

I looked at him, staring deeply into his chocolate brown eyes, sighing as I thought up a response.

"I want you to tour again." He opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. "Please. You're miserable. I want you to be happy again. I hate seeing you this way. Please. For me. I know you miss it. And you miss your brother."

He gave me a sad smile. "But I-"

"We'll figure something out, baby. We'll make it work. I don't want you to give up your dream." He pulled me into him, planting a long kiss on my temple.

"Ok," he said, kissing me again. "We'll figure something out."