Orange Juice

The Second Heartbreak.

My heart stopped at that very moment. Silence. My eyesight clouded, vision blurred as I tried hard, desperately trying to re-read the text that just came through, hoping that I had read it wrong. No. I had read it correctly. Screaming, I threw my phone, smashing against the wall, memories of three long years shattering, just like my heart.

I had just got dumped.

It hurt like nothing else could've been more painful. I felt so stupid! So insulted! I was a fool to love someone again. Because I knew. I KNEW it would happen again. Three days is all it takes.

This is Bella. My Man Diary.

(Here are a few notes to get you clued up what's happening here.)

Before hand: This is when everything starts to go downhill. You begin questioning your relationship with that person. He/she doesn't treat you the same anymore. They say you need to lose a few pounds. Tell you they don't like your hair. The part when you begin to cry almost every night because you tell yourself that things will get better.

Then comes in the ignore stage. Every man I have dated for a fair amount of time has decided that ignoring the person (me), is the best way to break up with someone (me). And don't give me all that bull about how they'll do it in person. Because when you're my age, face to face human communication is extinct.

Day 1 of blanking: You're a little intense. You begin to question everything you've ever done in your life because you believe that they are simply annoyed at you. Your friends and parents tell you that they're just busy and that you should give the partner in question some space. And so you do. Reluctantly.

(+15 phone calls and 42 messages)

Day 2 of blanking: A little bit of panic settles in now. When you first wake up, you'll forget that you haven't heard from this person in over 24 hours and so message them thinking everything's fine. Or, do what I did and expect a flood of messages from this person, "I'm sorry babe, my phone died and I was stuck in the Sahara Desert!" And "Sweetheart! Sorry I haven't been in touch with you, I was abducted by David Attenborough."

Never happens.

(+10 phone calls and 30 messages)

Day 3 of blanking: Total panic sets in. There's no going back now. You start to re-plan your life as a crazy cat lady, which isn't too bad, saves the pain that's about to come. You phone his mum, his nanny, his friends, his uncles and aunts, his doctor, his bloody milk man. You begin to believe that he's gone missing, because who could possibly ignore you? Then after 1000 text messages, three mental breakdowns and two bottles of wine. He texts you.

Now trust me when I say this. The text will be blunt. He won't want to talk to you. It'll be something cliché like...

"We need to talk." It's a little rich coming from someone who's IGNORED you for three days, but I'll take it.

"It's over." Yeah. This one's more blunt and goes straight to the point. Also very confusing, our game of UNO finished a month ago?

"We should break up." Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner. Gets to the point and classy. This man's a real keeper.

Well... he would've been...

~End of diary entry #45~

And that's where we are now... Day 3.

The false realisation of it all settled in quickly, maybe a little too quick for some people. My body got hot and my hands began to shake as if I had just witnessed my pet dog, get run over. Just awful. My watery eyes let out the tears that I tried so desperately hard to hold back, and the pink bedroom wall decorated in (his) Star Wars posters became unclear. A pain formed in my chest, I felt like I was being crushed under a thousand memories, coming to swarm me all at once. My mouth got dryer as my eyes got wetter, and my throat began to make whimpering noises like a sad puppy.