Sir Guy of Gisborne's Diary

Entry 6

After breakfast

The leather bra did not go down well. In fact, Marian slapped me one when I presented it to her. Naturally, I feigned indifference, told her to be at the next Council of Nobles meeting and left. I'll admit, once clear of Knighton Hall, I did cry a bit, mostly because she slaps really hard and it hurt.

On a slightly happier note, Robin Hood put an arrow through Joderick, our latest tax collector, killing him instantly, and I am tasked with hunting Hood down. Unfortunately, de Fourtnoy, the master-at-arms, is also tasked with bringing Hood to justice. He says he'll do it 'politically', while I prefer a more hands on approach, or in this case dogs on approach; the sheriff has given me a pack of hunting dogs to track Hood with. Personally, I'll be happy if they tear him limb from limb, but the sheriff wants him alive so he can put his head on a spike. Still, I guess a bit of mauling won't go amiss. One of the dogs has taken quite a shine to me and me to him. I have named him Mr Paws. I am going to train him to bite anyone who smells of sheriff.

Evening

The dogs didn't work, much to my annoyance, but happily, de Fourtnoy became expendable after killing some innocents and blaming it on Hood, and I have the job, at the sheriff's orders, of doing away with him. I would set Mr Paws on him, but the stupid mutt is as gentle as a pussycat and hides behind me when the sheriff barks orders at me.

I found de Fourtnoy in the stables, grooming his horse. One minute we were having a conversation, the next he had my dagger in his back and slumped to the ground, quite dead. I am now the new master-at-arms, so though Hood still remains at large, things are definitely on the up and up.

What is not on the up and up is my wooing of Marian. Clearly my gifts are not working. Perhaps I am going about this the wrong way. Might it excite her to learn that under all my leather there is yet more leather, in this case a skimpy leather thong? Perhaps I could persuade her to call round, say I have something important to tell her regarding her father or the king or something, and then 'accidentally' be in a state of undress when she arrives, wearing just my thong and nothing else. Yes, I think I may have hit on a good idea. I shall go to the leather-craft room at once.