The Big, Black Sheep

Chapter 3- Esteem

I slid the rest of my robe off of my body, studying the way it cascaded down to my ankles in the full length mirror that I set in front of me. I pondered my reflection, starting with my crazy, just washed curly black hair. Water still dripped from the ringlets, sending droplets down my bare body. My hand touched the outer edge of my almond shaped eyes, and I stared back at myself, noticing the way the light illuminated my light brown eyes (my best feature). My fingers traced the outline of my slightly wide nose and I twisted the little stud in my nostril. I pursed my full lips as I looked at them.

My hand then moved down, grazing the sensitive spots of my neck, making me shiver. I touched the mole above my breast just before sliding my fingers along my bust. I stopped right above my stomach and sighed as I took it all in: the large stretch marks and the hanging portion just below my belly button. A small tear fell down my cheek and I wiped it away quickly.

"You'll get there one day, Vee," I whispered to myself. I abandoned the mirror, making my way into my closet to get ready for school. Lately, I've been dreading walking through those double doors every morning. Angelica would walk beside me with her voluptuous self, and I followed like a lost puppy. Of course, this has been going on for years, but the staring made it worse. His staring made it worse. Matthew noticing me completely ruined my plan on staying invisible through my last high school year. I feel like walking out on him yesterday will just make things worse. Maybe he'll be more vocal about his supposedly bad intentions.

Minutes after throwing on my favorite Deadpool shirt and black jeans, a soft rap on my door made me pause my daily routine. Without my permission to come in, my mom walked into the room. Alexus McNeil was the greatest black business women in all of Savannah (if you asked her). She quickly climbed the ranks at Brooks & Company, an investment firm that managed both national and international accounts. As CEO, she's not afraid to crack down on wrongdoing, but even if you're the slightest bit different from her, expect to not meet her destructively high standards.

Today, she squeezed her thin frame into a white long sleeve blouse and black pencil skirt paired with sheer pantyhose and black pumps. She smoothed her skirt as she took in the state of my room (which is usually messy). With a deep sigh, she murmured, "you really need to do something with this room." I sat down, frowning at her. I proceeded with putting on my socks and lacing up my shoes. "We need to talk about your grades." My head snapped up.

"I literally only have one B, mom. You know how I feel about History." My mother shrugged her thin shoulders, her lips set in a hard line.

"Do you not want to be top of your class and get into a great HBCU?"

"Or get into a great college in general?"

"Why are you so against embracing who you are?" I sighed, sitting back into my chair. Looking at my clock, I realized that I only had a few minutes before Angelica came to pick me up for school. "You're black, Venus! You need to learn all about your culture and your background. Does that not matter to you?" I just looked at her. "You're so into white culture-"

"Mom, stop." I stood and picked up my bag in a single motion. "I like what I like." I brushed past her and she grasped my wrist. "I have to make it to school so that I can get that B up to an A." I smiled at her sweetly before bounding down the hallway. Just like clockwork, Ang pulled up in her silver Chevy Malibu. I ducked into the passenger side, huffing as I sat back.

"What's wrong?" Angelica asked as she put her hand on the gear. "Seatbelt." I strapped in, tossing my bag into the backseat.

"Mom had the whole 'why do you act white, why won't you embrace being black' talk with me again. I honestly don't understand why I can't just enjoy what I enjoy and leave it at that." I groaned, pressing my head against the door.