DOES IT HURT?

"No.", Abah said.

"Really? Just tell me the truth!", I insisted he told me. This matter has come to a depression state since a week ago. "OK. A little. Like an ant biting on your toe.", he nodded while Aman grinned. Aman had it done five years ago, when he was 10. But, I have been running away two times so I don't want to make a remarkable fleeing experience for the third. I have no time to waste because Aman said, " It get harder to cut it if your skin is thick. As you get older, it becomes thicker. Remember, you are 14 this year." While trying to control my anger, I saw a little boy buzzed in with his father into the clinic. His face pales.

He sat next to me and was adjusting his sarong preventing it from slipping down. At the admission counter stood still his father wearing a worried face. In the meantime, Aman and Abah were chatting gibberish, teasing me with all their might. I could not understand them. "Stop it. I will really do it this time.", when I finished my sentence, they laughed even louder. So, I decided to have my attention on the little boy.

"Are you here to cut it as well?", his forehead wrinkled. "No.", he shooked his head. "I have done it last week.", as he added, my curiosity grows bigger. "Then why are you here? Here, in this sarong. They said it takes less than a week for the wound to dry.", the little boy tilted his head towards Aman and Abah as I pointed my finger to them. "Mine have not dried and now it's swollen and very painful.", I gulped upon hearing that. 'Will I SURVIVE?'.

"How old are you?", I saw him wag his sarong briskly as sighs came out of his mouth. He was enduring his unbearable pain in his tiny body. As I saw him trembling a bit, my cold sweat broke. "10 years old.", the man's pride inside me shredded to pieces. "Oh, I'm 14.", I don't know why I told him that.

The little boy nodded and continued breathing heavily. I was about to ask something when his father came to the corner where we sat. "Doctor will treat you afterwards. I had to call your mom. Wait for me here.", his father left in haste.

His absent had somehow offered me chance to ask several crucial questions (I guess) it might be. "Do you mind if I ask you how they cut it?", the little boy blinked his eyes in disbelief but later he started to reveal his knowledge regarding that matter. "It was not painful in the beginning. Doctor injected it with a needle so later I cannot feel it any longer. It became numb.", I showed interest as I nodded and my eyes popped out when he mentioned needle.

"NEEDLE?", I don't want to admit that I has needle fear.

"Doctor asked me to lie down and he prepared the needle. Later, he injected it. When I could feel nothing there, he cut it I guess, ", he paused for a while and untie his sarong. "But, you can feel it as you can hear he cut your skin. It sounds like he was cutting a paper."

"Like cutting a PAPER? Are you kidding me?", I mumbled alone in my despair and shock.Later, he peeped through it to examine his wound. "Do you want to see, brother?", he offered.

"Better not.", I will not want to let my fear took control over my emotion. I have made up my mind to really do it this time. So, I guess the best way is by avoiding to see any negative consequences regarding it. This kind of horror has nothing to compare actually. Indeed, circumsision is my biggest fear, my biggest terror. I could tremble whenever I saw someone get it done. Even, when Aman did it years ago, I was supposed to get mine done too. But, I has less courage than he had that I cried like a girl, begging to get mine postponed. How silly I am. "Chicken hearted!", Aman called me name when he reached home from clinic to see me still sobbing in my mother's lap.

"Brother, he called you.", his pat on my shoulder brought me to reality again. I saw Abah was looking at me. "It's your turn. Let's go.", Abah approached me. Now, I feel like wanting to know a bit on how it would look like after being cut. So, I gather my strength and said, "Well, let me see it. I will see it in super quick.", that little boy pull his sarong outwards, giving me enough space to see. I swear, I could not stop trembling. When I saw the tip of the region where it is being cut, I started to get drowsy. I saw it! It's very swollen! Red!

When the image on my sight doubled, I know I'm in trouble. So I lean against my seat, panting. Breathing seems difficult. "Hey, Amin. Pull yourself together.", I could feel Abah shaked my shoulder several times. I saw Aman and later the little boy. Both were staring at me, couldn't do anything. I heard Abah called me "Amin." , in a very husky voice that I could not respond before my sight darken. My courage died in a big humiliation for the third time.