This Is It

I'm gay. Yeah I know, what a horrible way to start a story, but I thought I should get that out there. Before you read on, you should know this is a story about my life. So if your a homophobe you better put this book down and move on to something that suits your mindset. Read on if your straight, gay, or just curious how bad our lives can get. So, let me introduce myself. I'm Mike, my real name is Mikaela though. I'm 28 years old and I'm a lesbian. Yes, you read correctly, I call myself Mike. I'm far from a "lipstick" lesbian. I'm what you would call a dyke. I found out my sexual orientation when I was 15 years old. I had long, blonde hair and a keen eye for fashion, or so I was told. I would date guys, but the relationships never lasted for more than a week. But, in my own weird way I wasn't normal. You might be thinking that I just didn't know who I was, or who I liked. That's where you're wrong.

I would stand in front of my mirror everyday, since 7th grade, telling myself to stop looking at so-and-so's ass and like this boy. I would tell myself I need to look normal, so act normal. I became the complete opposite of who I really was. I became the goodie-goodie, blonde haired, always cute, perfect child that everyone wanted me to be, when really I was a colorful, masculine, weed-smoking (or wanting to be), lesbian that wanted nothing to do with the person I was trying to be. I would make sure I convinced myself and everyone around me that I was as straight as a Popsicle stick. I continued down that road until I was in high school.

I had a great 9th grade year, plenty of friends, an amazing club (marching band), and I had Freshman band. Now Freshman band is just as horrible as it sounds, sweaty 14-15 year olds playing instruments. The thing about band though is that it's like a mini-high school. There are your preps (the color guard), the normals (unnoticed people), the weirdos (me and my friends), and the "others" (the multi-hair colored, pierced people). But, all these different groups somehow got along and made "treaties", sure there were some rough spots, and maybe not EVERYONE got along, but it was manageable. There was always a bridge that connected everyone to each other, and that was normally a couple. I was still stuck in my goodie-goodie role, but there was a new girl this year that changed all that.