This Is It

The New Girl

The new girl changed everything, suddenly everything changed. All those days spent in front of the mirror went out the window, everything I told myself was gone. She suddenly was the center of everything I did. Yet, I kept denying how I felt. Her rainbow colored hair was the talk of the entire band. The next 6 months were tourcherous.

I continued my daily mirror exercises and life went on, with just a little more agony. School ended, summer started. Which meant marching band. Of course she was there, distracting me everyday. I would catch myself looking up and down her body, looking for her during band practice. I tripped and forgot, I was distracted.

Summer came and went, school started and I thought I was safe. I had quit band and I thought I could go back to being "perfect". Boy was I wrong. I found the beautiful, green eyed girl was in my gym class. I had fallen in a deep pit that summer, I was self harming. My skin slowly started to become covered in ugly, red scabs. It started out as something small, a few here and there, but the mental pain just got worse. My parents, my sexuality, school, it all started to swell in my brain and never stop. It got to be too much and that's when it started.

I stopped changing around my friends. I had a choice to make, keep getting pestered about why I would do it, or brave it and change in front of her. She would see the scabs, but I decided to do neither. I became the girl who changed in the bathroom. I wore long sleeves and pants, never letting anyone touch me.

The next two months were difficult, lots of hiding and trying more and more until September 22. I had made up my mind to kill myself that day; take my own life. I don't want to get into it, but I didn't. Then the worst possible thing happened October 1.

The beautiful girl and I started to get close and we became good friends, and I stopped changing in the bathroom. Until that day. That beautiful, gorgeous, amazing, green eyed girl did the unthinkable in my eyes.