Why She Does It

Present Life

Narrator- 

At school nothing was better, she got bullied to her knees. In 3rd grade was when her mom Natasha called and said she was going to jail, this killed Sophia, she couldn't sleep and even if she did it wasn't much because she would have nightmares about it. She would go to sleep crying and wake up crying. This was when she snapped out of "Lala Land", and realized that people were making fun of her and not having inside jokes, or thinking she was pretty. She realized she wasn't pretty, she saw how fat she was, how ugly she was. She hated all of the pictures ever taken of her. That's when she started hating pictures. If someone took a picture of her, she would scream, and when they showed her the pic, she would cry, until she taught herself not to cry in front of people. In middle school, people would constantly try to start fights with her, laugh or scrunch their noses up when she walked by and point their fingers at her. They would push her, make "emo" jokes about her. She got so visibly depressed her step-mom and dad got her a counselor. Her name is Kayla. (Kayla's important in this story, so I need you to remember her name.)

Sophia's POV (A/N: Sophia's in 8th grade)-

I wake up to my alarm clock going off right next to my head. Each "BEEP" sending chills throughout my body. I reach up and turn it off, and quickly get out of bed. I do my morning stuff, brush teeth, wash face, brush hair, I do my makeup while my flat iron is heating up, and when I'm done I straighten my hair, then I get dressed. I wear the same thing every day, a black choir shirt, that's hidden by my black sweater, hightop black converse, and some black skinny jeans. When I go downstairs I make my breakfast, only if I really feel like eating. When Jen comes out of her room she looks at me and sighs while rolling her eyes, 'thank's mom' I say to myself sarcastically. On the ride to school Jen's school is always really quiet, no one really talks. From Her school to Sophia's school she rides the bus. On the bus, I listen to music until we get to my girlfriends stop. We talk for a bit. At school, I see my best friend in the whole world! (Imma give some hints because I don't want to say her name, but I want her to know who I'm talking about) She always makes me smile, she has deep conversations, she's really weird, and she's one of the only people I can be myself around. Let's call her Cassidy, I have my first class with her, and it's the class that I smile the most in. Cassidy makes me smile more than anyone. Especially after my ex gf. 

I was in love with her, and still am. We cuddled, kissed, said, "I love you". We were "relationship goals" pretty much. But she was afraid to date a girl, she never dated one before. One day my older brother Donovan and her started going out, but we still did everything we did together. (we were in 7th grade, the ex and I are in the same grade, Donovan is a grade above me.) The next year, She asks me out, since her and my brother had to break up since he was going into highschool. I said yes, and later that day we caught her playing us both. She told Donovan "I don't really want to date her, I just don't want to hurt her feelings". We called her and she admitted to it. I was so sad, I started throwing up, and I cried myself to sleep for the next few weeks. So now my "catch phrase" is "hurt me with the truth, don't comfort me with a lie" 'cause in the end, I'll hurt more than I should have. She's already moved on, but if I hear a certain song at the wrong time, I'll still start breaking down. I find it funny, how I used to be emotionally strong, but not physically at all, but now, the slightest thing can knock me down emotionally, but if someone punches me  I start laughing. I don't think most people understand how your thoughts can slowly kill you, and bad memories coming uninvited can slowly turn you depressed.

During passing periods, people stared, pointed, scrunched up their noses and a lot more. Some people would call out "I bet you cut!", even though I do, it still hurts when people say that just because of the way I dress, and because saying that won't make anyone feel better about themselves. It's just another reason to be made-fun-of. But it's okay, I'm kinda used to it now. It's been happening since 3rd grade.