just a few thoughts [poetry]

hold it all back

"don't cry," i tell myself. "not here. not now. not in front of them."

i laid my head down between my arms, letting my mind drown in the white noise of the high school lunch room. i listened to the voices of people surrounding me. laughing. whispering. shouting. screaming. people having a good time on their break from classes. not me. 

every time i saw them together i wanted to die. every time i saw them together, i did die. just a little piece of me at a time.he was toxic, and i was ready to die. she? she was a precious gem. she shouldn't have been tainted by him. 

and i was stuck. stuck feeling heartbroken and thinking about how much better i was than her. she was giggly and fake and pretty. me? i was genuine. and i loved him. and that's all the pain in the world.