Mercury

10°C

“Wait a minute. Who did what again? You guys kissed?” Mila bellows in the shopping mall. I jump to my feet and swiftly cover her mouth with my palm. “Do you want to die? Shut up!” I say.

“This is unbelievable. You kissed him, August? You kissed him?” Mila demands. I don’t know why she’s so worked up over this, but hey, she needs to get her things right. Troy kissed me, not the other way round.

“No! Didn’t you listen? Troy kissed me! I can’t kick him away like I did the previous time!” I retort, but realise it’s a big, big mistake that I blurt out about the attempted kiss during the camp.

“There was a previous time?” Mila asks. She then rolls her eyes and chuckles. “I can’t believe you, August. Firstly, you didn’t tell me, and secondly, you’re moving on a little too quickly, aren’t you?”

I blink at her. “What do you mean?” I ask.

“Excuse me, but Sam just died! The last time I remembered, you loved Sam so freaking much, and it hasn’t been five months but you’re already kissing another guy,” Mila says while walking into a clothing store.

“It’s not like I wanted to!” I fight back, “But hey, why are you acting all so agitated?”

“Me? Ha, I’m just giving you a preview of what Kayla is going to tell you,” Mila sneers while picking out a yellow flowery dress, “How does this look? Justin likes yellow.”

I look at the dress she’s holding. “It looks fine, but not your type,” I say, “And clearly you were voicing your own mind rather than what could have been on Kayla’s mind.”

“Well, I’m not a fan of betrayal,” Mila says, and that’s when I explode.

“What betrayal are you talking about?” I snarl, “I’m not betraying Sam! It’s just a kiss, Mila! It’s not like we’re in bed or anything!”

There is a moment where we stand frozen.

“Oh my God, you thought of sleeping with him?” Mila says, “I can’t believe you!”

“No!” I cry, and a hand flies to my forehead, “I’m just saying that a kiss doesn’t mean anything!”

“Uh, it obviously means you’re kind of cheating on Sam!” Mila shouts and turns to face me, giving me an eye-roll. 

… cheating on Sam. Those words ring in my ear. We’re… we’re talking like Sam’s still alive and kicking and I’m still dating him.

“How…” I speak, my voice softer, “How can I cheat on him when he’s not even here?”

Silence takes over our conversation. Mila’s gaze softens, and she won’t look me in the eye. “I-I didn’t mean it that way,” Mila mumbles, “Sorry.”

I really hate how I always end up so tired talking about Sam.

Mila starts, “I just thought maybe you see Troy as Sam’s replacement, and I don’t like the sound of that.”

“No,” I say, “I don’t.”

“You sure?”

I nod. I start to wonder if by any chance Mila likes Troy, but then I remember she likes Justin.

“O-kay then, I have nothing against the kiss. Just make sure you really like Troy if you guys ever date. It can be kind of hard,” Mila laughs.

“For now,” I pause, “we’re just good friends.” I don’t know why, but my heart hurts a little when I say that. After that kiss (that I actually like), things have gotten a lot more complicated. Even if a small part of me wants to like Troy and kiss him or whatever, the larger portion of me objects, because my body hasn’t forgotten Sam. I feel disgusted at myself, but I actually start to think how long I will take to really move on from Sam and then maybe start something with Troy.