Mercury

12°C

Okay, firstly, who am I kidding? Ignoring Troy is probably the greatest challenge ever. And that idiot Troy – he really listened to me. When we first met after our quarrel in school, he looked me in the eye and then did what I asked him to: he pretended he didn’t know me.

Our eyes locked and both of us stopped moving. We just stared and even though it’s so obvious that we want to approach each other, none of us moved a muscle. When Troy finally did, he turned and walked away from me.

That wasn’t what I was going for, honestly. I wanted him to just come up to me. He doesn’t even have to say anything, since I planned to apologize to him first. I hadn’t really treated him rightfully. Instead, I had been quite arrogant and bad-tempered, and he had always complied with me. This is why I wanted to do something for Troy, but he wouldn’t budge and so I got angry, which made things worse.

And as I was saying, I would apologize and then he would, too. We would make up and then after school I’d visit his house and talk to Teresa and Jennifer. I don’t know what Jennifer is diagnosed with, so I read up everything I could about depression and anorexia. I had prepared so meticulously, but obviously everything isn’t going as planned.

I think maybe instead of waiting for him to come to me, I should go up to him. But I want to do something special for him, not just head straight up to him and say, “Hey, I’m sorry.” I want to surprise him, but right now ideas aren’t flowing in.

I tap my foot as I rest my head on the table, brainstorming of possible things that I can do. When it gets hard, I groan and hit my head against the table. Shutting my eyes, I bring my hand up to ruffle my hair.

The bell finally rings, which signals the start of the torturous Chemistry lesson again. Mr Pierre slowly walks into the classroom, and I sit myself up, although still slouching. I look around me, but I don’t see Mila anywhere. That’s weird. We have the same Chemistry class together.

I frown a bit and stealthily bring out my phone to check if there are any texts from Mila. Strangely, my phone screen lights up lamely with no notification of an incoming text. I throw my phone back into my bag as quickly as possible so I don’t get into trouble.

Mr Pierre starts the lesson about noble gases and shit, and at the same time my brain shuts down. When he isn’t looking, I bring out my phone again.

August: Mila? Where are you? You okay?

I keep my phone tightly wrapped around with my fingers, but no reply comes until about ten minutes later.

Mila: I want to die, August.

I almost jump up, and I would have if it isn’t for the fact that I’m in class right now. Is Mila joking or is she serious? I haven’t contacted Mila ever since the day I fought with Troy, which isn’t very far back. I figured she may be spending time with Justin, so I need not disrupt her.

… Justin!

August: Why? Where are you?

Part of me thinks that Mila’s just joking like she always is, but the other part of me is saying that this is serious. My fingers fumble over the screen, and I don’t know what to do right now. I know just how scary suicidal thoughts can be. I’ve had them before.

“Ms Pennington,” Mr Pierre calls, “I would appreciate if you put your phone away.”

I look up to see him staring down at me through his thick glasses. More like you put your brain away, I think, but I obey his words anyway. My palms start to sweat. Mila is fine… right?

As soon as Chemistry lesson ends, I draw my phone out only to see that Mila has not replied. I know instantly something’s wrong.

Packing the books into my bag, I hold the phone to my ear with my shoulder. I don’t expect her to pick up the call, but she does the moment I dash out of the classroom.