It's not just me that has trouble reliving this day. No. Just about everyone who knew you sulks through the halls masking the desperation and longing they have for you to come home, with fake smiles and laughter. The laughter makes me sick. I make myself sick. I hate every single person who pretends that this day has no effect on their lives. I hate myself because I do the same thing. Paint on a smile, shoulders back, force out the laughs and go on with the day. Its almost hilarious how fake everyone is, like our own version of Barbie. When you're a Barbie doll you can be anything you want to be, I guess happy fits. Something is different about today though, I can feel it. Carson and I were on our morning run somewhere in the woods along the state trail and he smelt something slightly familiar but new in our territory. I hadn't noticed until he stopped me, I was too distracted by my own thoughts to notice anything. It was you. After he mentioned it, I recognized it immediately. I brushed it off as a trick of the mind, it was too faint to know anything for sure. I would've dropped it eventually if Carson hadn't said anything.. Three words was all it took to change everything. Three words. "She was here." My mind went blank and my heart nearly stopped as I just stared into Carson's normally energetic brown eyes. My thoughts slowly drifted in, twisting thousands of little situations into my brain. You ran away and finally came home. You finally escaped from whatever hell you were in. You woke up in Nebraska with severe memory loss and finally regained it. You came back from the dead. Each one of these little scenarios that seeped into my mind had no effect on my feelings. They were set. Happiness and anger, fear of being delusional, immense sadness. The anger, it was unimaginable. There's no point in lying to myself. I dont know what happened to you but i'm angry, at myself but so much more at you.You said you would be back. Five minutes, you said. You laughed and shook me off as you continued your path, never hesitating. I hate the wild smile you threw over your shoulder once you were officially out of my reach. I hate that i knew you shouldn't have gone but i let you go anyway. I hate that you knew i didn't want you to go, and you still walked away. You might not have known what was going to happen after you left, but you still chose to go. You left me, and i hate you.
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