Have you ever had an idea that you know is bad but you do it anyway. Well that's me my grades suck right now I'm so stressed between school, my friends, my parents and my horse I can't keep up. The one thing that has been helping me though is my little blue friend. I know I shouldn't be abusing it which I keep telling my self it's for a good cause. But I know in my heart that is the total opposite. It is the only thing that helps me to focus. That's what I really need right now since I only have one more week till my quarter ends for school.
My parents have been crazy saying I always screw up and I'm a brat. I try to be a good kid but it's so hard with all the stress that is being put on me right now. I just want it all to stop but I know I can't do that because it would hurt the people who are apart of my life to much. I have seen what suicide does to families and I have vowed that I will do everything in my power to stop myself from going that far. I may do stupid stuff but I feel like I am somewhat logical with my ideas.
School has been so hard everyone looks at me and expects me to be getting good grades because I'm a girl and I always do my homework. Which is true but I hate studying it's so hard for me and adderal helps me to study. I get twice as much done then I normally would so it's easier to study and work. But I'm scared I'm going to get addicted to it because I have already been abusing it I know I should stop but it's so addictive to just have something that basically makes you focus. I guess I just like the easy way out better. I'm so sorry mommy. I tried to be a better person for you but it was hard. I couldn't do it.
-L
