Normally, The Pairing Ceremony would be a day of celebration for Jean. Although personally he didn't put too much stock on it, he liked to see the others happy... even if he didn't act like it. This year was completely different. This year Marco was turning 15 and Jean was still 14.
Even the year before, Jean hadn't thought about it. Never thought that another year could possibly pass so fast. Not that the Pairing Ceremony was the ending of him and Marco. Just because Marco would get to know who he was paired with for the rest of his life didn't mean their friendship would have to end- or even really change.
And yet, it still bothered him. It grated at the back of mind, always an unpleasant buzzing reminding him that it was one day closer. Jean choose to ignore it- like he did so many other things he didn't have an answer for or just didn't want to face the answer he knew was true.
Sometimes, Marco would mention the Pairing Ceremony but Jean's eyes would darken over and Marco would quickly change the subject when Jean's answers were reduced to grunts. Jean wanted to desperately tell Marco why suddenly he didn't want to gossip about who his pair might be... but he just couldn't. Jean tried to brush it off but they both knew something was off.
The night before the pairing, Jean couldn't sleep. Half because he was worried about the ceremony the next day but mostly because he and Marco had parted after having a petty spat. Jean had let his rotten attitude about the next day get to him and he had lashed out at Marco. Jean had regretted it the second the hurtful words had escaped his mouth. Marco had tried to brush it off, but Jean knew he had really hurt his friend's feels and it made his inside burn with shame at the memory of it.
Jean snuck out of his bedroom window and wondered the streets aimlessly. His body took him to the field that he often spent lazy afternoons with Marco.
Jean didn't say a word as he sat down next to the reclined figure of his best friend. Even though it had been unconscious, something had told him he would find Marco in the field waiting for him. Something deep in his bones- an unnamable force. At first, it had given Jean fierce pride, now all it did was cause him to have a sharp pain that made his heartache.
''How is it we can communicate without saying a word? Isn't that what a pair should be about? An unspoken, unbreakable bond?''
Because Jean knew, without a doubt, that even though they were made for each other, he and Marco wouldn't be paired. How could they? Marco could have anyone he wanted. Sure, it was all up to the promise of the Lady Rose but how could someone as kind and giving as Marco go paired with him? Or unpaired, for that matter.
How could Jean wish with every fiber of his being hope for their pairing and then in the same breath pray that his best friend would go home alone after the ceremony? Jean felt like the worst person possible but it didn't stop how he felt. He had been feeling it for so long it was now a part of him.
They stayed next to each other in the field, not saying a word to each other. Eventually, Jean laid down too and used his right hand as a pillow. Looking up at the night sky, with all the stars and the moon, Jean wondered about the mysteries of life. He tried to compromise.
''Just keep him unpaired for a year... no, two years.''
With a start Jean remembered he would face his own Pairing Ceremony in less than two years.
'' I'll make you a deal. Keep Marco unpaired and me as well. We can be outcasts and never have a pair. That would be alright. Not perfect, but alright. Please hear me Lady Rose. I'll never ask for anything else.''
Marco's hand reached out and found Jean's left one. Their hands rested on each other and they continued to look up at the star dotted sky. There was comfort in the simple touch and Jean tried to fight the urge to sob.
