Sometimes...well most of the time ... ok, all of the time I climb onto my roof to smoke. I do this to hide the scent from my completely oblivious father because I just can't begin to imagine having how hurt and disappointed he'd be if he found out his 13 year old 'recovered from mental illness' of a daughter was actually incredibly depressed. Even worse... if the reason she was doing it wasn't just because of addiction... oh no... it was to maybe suppress appetite? Another way of harming her body in ways that weren't visible to others... sucking on that stick like a lollipop, making sure to drag back every fume of that revolting poison. I mean maybe the boys would actually like her and think she was fearless and would want her if she smoked 1,2,3,12 a day? Or maybe they would just think she was stupid, a complete an utter waste of space? Basically what she already thought of herself. But she can't tell anyone, she must keep it to herself because she's not the only one. Others deserve that help more than her. So she can just zip it!
She talks to boys sometimes... well she attempts to, but either doubt, paranoia or just plain insecurity would get the better of her ofc. She'd always aim too high... put endless amounts of effort into him but he'd ignore her, leaving her feel like maybe she should just give up and accept the fact no one will love her. Some boys would consider her maybe even desperate! But in reality she just wants someone to love her, because she really sucks at loving herself... someone to glue the shards of her hearts together. Someone...to...fix her. Because she feels incapable of the difficulty of that challenge.
She'd wait and wait and wait. Post fake, photo shopped selfies, one after the other... just praying that someone will notice her pearly white smile and cute, curly hair??? The one. But she is waiting eternally. Pulling her jumper over her dry hands... she will never be *those girls* . Those super stunning, model-like girls... all the guys queue for. She'll always be at the back of the line. Smoking. Smoking until her hair falls out and her teeth turn yellow. Just smoking
