Helpless (Lams AU)

Chapter Four: WERK

(A/N) Sorry last chapter was such sHiT. Here's a better one (?????) to make up for it. Just kidding it's shit too. I never know when to end things. Also, sorry for the large amounts of John P.O.V.; it's my favorite my write. ALSO, the picture included in this chapter is of the outfits the Schuylers are wearing.
TW: EATING DISORDERS, SELF-HARM

John P.O.V.

"Oh my god, John!" Eliza screamed at the sight of me as I walked into the shop, and ran up to get closer, followed by her sisters.

"Look at you!" Peggy said, giving me a side-hug. Look at me, I thought, Look how fat I've gotten since they last saw me. How spotty. How ugly. How gross...

"You okay, babe?" Alex asked. I nodded. I didn't know what happened. I was just sad all of a sudden. I felt like my entire relationship was just Alexander and I trying to deal with each other's mood swings- and we had just made it official last night. After Lexi's sudden sadness, I felt like I'd already failed as a boyfriend.

"Let's go eat," I suggested, realizing everyone was staring at me.

"Yeah," Angelica agreed, leading us to the table they were sitting at when we got there. It was then that I realized the sisters had changed a lot, too. Eliza was still dressed in her classic blue dress (this one had lace), but she had traded the matching bow for a hair tie. Peggy had a yellow romper on, but what surprised me was how beautiful she had gotten. Her life had been an awkward phase but dang. Angelica wore a light pink dress with intricate straps. She looked the same as she always had. Beautiful, strong, etc. I'd never make judgements on a body, but she looked like she hadn't eaten in weeks.

"So, John," Eliza began, "You and Alexander, huh?"

"Eliza!" Angelica scolded, "We don't just ask that."

"No, no," I told her, "It's okay. Um, yeah, as of last night. We're a thing." I looked to him to see if it was okay that I just outed us, and he smiled and grabbed my hand. I'd take that as a yes.

"We're very happy together," Lexi agreed, giving my hand a squeeze. What was with us? We were all over the place today. One minute fighting another happy?

"How about you ladies? Have a date-mate?" I asked. Eliza and Peggy looked to Angelica knowingly.

"Yes," Angelica sighed and rubbed her wrist, "Thomas Jefferson." Thomas Jefferson?

"Thomas Jefferson?" I asked, "T-Jeff?"

"Y-yeah," she said, continuing to rub her wrist. I noticed a few small marks, but thought nothing of it.

"If he makes you happy," I said, unsure if I actually was supportive of the relationship.

"You haven't touched your food, Angelica," Alex pointed out.

"Angelica!" Peggy gasped, "You really haven't!"

"Angelica, do we need to talk outside?" Eliza asked. I couldn't understand why, but then I remembered. God, she couldn't have been more than thirteen at the time. I must've been eleven or twelve.

~Flashback~

"Angie, please eat," I begged, tears streaming down my face, "Please eat when you wake up. Remember me? It's John. I love you." The eldest sister, and my best friend in the whole world, had just been hospitalized for anorexia. I knew she'd go away to rehab for a long time after this and I was desperate to talk to her one last time, even if it was while she was sleeping.

"John?" Those beautiful brown orbs slowly opened, "I'm going to die." She told me, with no tears, no frown, no sadness at all. She didn't want to live anymore.

"No, no, please no. Jesus Christ, no. Angelica, stay with me. Please. Please, please, please hold on. I need you. I love you," I was a mess. I was sobbing all over her limp body, thinking this was the last time I'd ever see her again.

And it was, for a while. Once visiting hours were over, I didn't go back to the hospital. I cut all ties with the family. I sometimes remembered watching her look in the mirror, picking apart every flaw she saw. I was heart-broken. That could've been my sister, my mother, my future daughter.

I tried to let them go. The whole family. I heard rumors Angelica had gone to rehab in London. I prayed she was happy. I didn't see her when she get back.

She was relapsing. And I couldn't help but blame myself.

"Actually, Angelica, that's a great idea your sister had. Let's you and me take a walk outside, okay?"

"Okay," she reluctantly agreed. We both got up, walking in silence until we were far from the restaurant. We sat under a tree awkwardly until I broke the silence.

"Angelica-" I began.

"No," she cut me off, "You don't need to remind me. I know. I've gotten fat since last you saw me. I'm a disgusting pig. I know."

"Angelica-" I tried again.

"I'm sorry," she was holding back tears, "Leave me alone."

"Angelica, that's not what I wanted to talk about. First of all, you're not fat, but even if you were, that doesn't make you worth any less. You'd still be strong, smart, independent-"

"But I wanna be beautiful, too," she confessed.

"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met," I told her, "And you still would be if you gained a hundred pounds. But you're actually looking very thin, and I wanted to ask a very personal question, because I know about your history of eating disorders, and I was just wondering if-"

"No, I haven't been eating," She whispered.

"Angie," I sighed. I didn't know what else to say. So I held her until Alexander and her sisters found us.

"Time to go?" Eliza asked. Angelica nodded. Alexander and I saw them into their car and then got home at 3:00.

"John," Alex breathed, "What's with the salt between us?"

"PMS?" I laughed. God, I loved my Alex.