Ursula's Beginning

Pt. II--8. You dream about going up there

Ursula stood looking at the dead king, hands over mouth. The beloved king had died on her watch, following her spell.

What was Triton going to think of her now? Surely their chances were shot--and would he resent her on top of that? Mistrust her? Hate her, even?

This concern stood above all else. It mattered more than what Ephram or Galataye would think of her. It weighed upon her more heavily than did her own failure to save the king. It saddened her more than did the death of the good man lying before her. And it terrified her more than the mysterious, impossible promise she had made to Nepp: to prevent Alphon from ascending to the throne.

Ursula cradled her face in her hands. She didn't want to move; she didn't want to call for anyone. As soon as she did so, it would all be real. There would be no turning back and no hope with Triton. As long as everyone in the kingdom stayed asleep and no one knew, Ursula could pretend the king was merely sleeping too.

She suddenly understood what it must be like for those mussels snatched by gulls and dropped from high in the air so that gravity and velocity could dash them open against the rocks below, affording the birds an easy meal. She had once spent an afternoon peering over the surface of the water and watching this curious spectacle. Thinking of it now made her sick. She too had been given a moment to see a larger world than the one she had always known--a totally different vantage point that showed her dizzying possibilities--only to be violently split open. Only to have her hopes and dreams dashed against unyielding realities.

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Ursula didn't know how much time had passed; it could have been fifteen minutes or two hours. She swam to the main entrance of the temple to see which messengers were on duty, and was disheartened to find it was the blowfish and lanternfish that had summoned her early yesterday morning. That had been just under 24 hours ago, though it felt like several days. 

"You two!" she snapped. They stiffened into an attentive stance. "I want you to ask Ephram to come to the temple and speak with me. Do so qui-et-ly." Her enunciation contained the reprimand she had wanted to give them earlier. "Do so without blind-ing him. Then I want you to summon a more senior messenger, perhaps Roch the clam. Tell them to meet me in the king's hall. Once you do that, you are relieved from duty for today."

The pair exchanged a shame-ridden glance and left noiselessly. Ursula returned to the king's side. She started to replay the final conversation they'd had. Nepp had been "called away" and someone that she couldn't see was explaining this event to him. She wanted to discuss this with the Diaphanous as soon as possible. They couldn't change anything--no one could reverse death, not even Ephram--but they could possibly provide some answers. 

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Roch arrived before the High Priest. She asked him to wait outside for further instructions. Then she busied herself writing a message on a small scroll in anticipation of Roch's impending errand. Ursula stayed beyond the king's curtain walls for now, near the cushions she had rested on during the night. 

Ephram the Venerable approached her peacefully as she was finishing this task. She stood and faced her gentle mentor.

"He's gone," she said simply.

Ephram nodded and closed his eyes. He inhaled and exhaled slowly, deeply. Then he turned and made his way inside the king's chamber.

Ursula waited in silence. When Ephram came back out, he embraced Ursula.

"I'm so sorry," she said. He hugged her tighter. "What are they going to think of me?" she whispered. At this, he held her at arm's length and searched her face.

"Who?"

"Everyone. The royal family. I've failed the entire kingdom, but Nepp's family--"

"My child, everyone knew that this was an experiment. They knew it might not work. They also knew that we were completely out of other ideas."

"Ephram, I'm scared." Admitting it aloud triggered the tears that had been waiting, the ones that shock had held at bay until now.

Crying, Ursula relayed everything that had happened. Ephram listened, nodding. He didn't look surprised or perturbed in the least, not even when she told him about the king's parting instruction. Something about the priest's preternatural calm slowed her tears bit by bit. 

"So," she concluded with a shaky breath. "I have a message ready to dispatch to the Diaphanous, if you approve."

He squeezed her hand. "See? You know just what to do. Don't let this event, which was out of your control, undermine your faith in yourself, Ursula."

"Thank you." Ursula smiled at the old priest, her eyes still glistening. "Still, I can't bear to inform the family myself..."

"I will inform the royal family. After we speak to Aether and Ozmoses, I'm sending Roch back out to summon Galataye and her children. When Roch leaves to do that, I want you to leave as well. Go tell Dismas that he can expect the king sometime today. After I speak with them and they spend some time alone with Nepp, we will bring his body to Dismas. I advise you to meet them there and speak with them at that time. Don't put it off any longer than that. It'll only make it harder for you."

Ursula nodded. "Yes. I'll be waiting there for them. But Ephram? When should I...I mean, should I even be the one...is today the actual time...?"

Ephram motioned with his hand to say "out with it." The movement was patient and languid.

"Do I tell them what he said about Alphon today, while they are fresh with grief?"

"I don't think you can get around telling them. They are going to ask you about his last moments and words. And since his final words were a request made to you, it's for you to tell them about it."

"How do I say this to Alphon?" Ursula pressed.

"Go send Roch to get the Diaphanous. Let me think about this for a moment," Ephram replied.

Ursula swam the scroll over to Roch, gave him instructions, and returned to Ephram. He was still mulling, so she wrote out six scrolls in preparation for Roch's next errand. When the old priest quietly cleared his throat, she looked up.

"Alphon has lost his father and that is a tremendous blow. I can see reason to not tell him about Nepp's wishes right away. At the same time, it's not wise to hide something of this magnitude for long. Perhaps you should inform some of the royal family today, and let them tell Alphon in their own way and at a time they deem appropriate," Ephram suggested.

"If everyone is bringing Nepp to my uncle's place today, how am I going to have a private conversation with only some of them? And which ones do you think I should tell?" Ursula asked.

"I can't guarantee anything, but when it comes time to leave for Dismas and Melisande's house, I will recommend that Alphon see his mother back to her quarters instead of joining the processional. She may want to come--or he may insist on coming--but then again, maybe not. No matter who shows up later, I trust you will navigate the situation skillfully. You'll know what to do in that moment."

Ursula hugged Ephram in wordless thanks. As she released him, the Diaphanous floated into view.