prologue + summary

8 0 0

by lithesome

by lithesome

PROLOGUE

❝ARE YOU COMING?❞ Maisie glanced over her shoulder at me. Her brother was far ahead of both of us, his legs pumping at the second hand eBay bike to separate himself from us as much as possible. His mother may have told him to bring us to the ice cream store, but that didn't mean that he'd associate himself with us. We were the tag-along fifth graders in his friend group of seventh graders and if he didn't make fun of us as much as possible while being sure to distance himself from us, he'd be ridiculed.

"Yeah, of course. I was the one who came up with the idea. I just need to get my shoelace tied, okay?" She nodded, but tapped her finger impatiently against the handlebars of her bike and made little keening noises at the back of her throat as I fumbled with the laces. Shoelaces were hard for me. My mother had tried to teach me the "bunny loop" trick thing in second grade after I came home crying because I had stepped on a pinecone while I was barefoot, but she quickly gave up. By now, I'd mostly figured out how to do it, but it still took me a while and was, at least in my measurements, an achievement. My little brother was much better at doing it and most mornings, he tied my shoes for me.

"Okay...done," I said proudly as I finished double-knotting my trainers and stood up, "Let's go."

We got on our bikes and sped off, Maisie in front because she knew the route to the store. I lived on the opposite end of the neighbourhood and my mum didn't let me have ice cream except for on special occasions.

I concentrated hard on my balance and making sure that I didn't skid on the corners like how I usually did, and it was going well until we rounded a sharp corner and saw Brian, Maisie's brother, leaning against his bike on the side of the pavement. My mind flashed, and for a moment, it was completely blank.

When I said completely blank, I meant not even a flash of white, or the dulled, compartmentalized thoughts that usually resided in my mind.

I wasn't smart: I knew that much. My mum had taken me to a doctor in the third grade and he'd declared me to have an IQ of 82. I didn't really know what that meant, but I knew it wasn't really considered to be a good thing. I'd always been good at making good things of bad things, though, so I told everyone in my class and made it some big joke, trying to counteract the prissy girl that told everyone she had some super-high IQ and that she was supposed to be the next Einstein. And so my thoughts were usually just easy. Go-with-the-flow, tranquil, just dull. My mind worked, but it wasn't the one that managed to zap up answers to obscure trivia questions that my teachers liked to ask within seconds.

But the thing was, my mind was never completely blank. There was always just one, steady thought that I could focus on without becoming overwhelmed. Now there was nothing. I basically didn't exist for these fragile seconds.

When my brain came back, I vaguely registered tumbling over my handlebars and falling, falling, falling over my tires and smashing, face first onto the concrete and one of my arms entangling itself in the storm drain.

I don't know how I didn't register it in those ten agonizing minutes before I passed out, but it was only later, in the hospital, that I finally realized what a mess my mind had become.

All of a sudden, my thoughts crowded every inch of my head and made me bang my gauze-covered arms against my head to try to knock them out. All of a sudden, it seemed I had gone crazy.

[though I'd find out, days later, that I had become smart. I now had an IQ of 147 and was apparently, somehow, a genius]

SUMMARY

You know those moments that happen when you've finished reading a book that's poignant, or a movie that captures something so strikingly? Those absolutely silent moments where your entire body has chills, but you're not really cold, and every step you take, every move you make, is hauntingly unreal. Those moments where you hear something, but everything is still piercingly silent.

You turn your head, and in that moment, you can't remember how. For once, your mind is organized, and your thoughts are separated from one another as if they're lining up in compartmentalized boxes coated in silky ice. You move, and it feels like you're walking on something, but aren't making contact with the floor. And then after. The aftermath where the ice melts and you're hyper-aware all of a sudden. Your stomach cramps up, and your head is brimming again, filled with chain-links of thoughts swirling, swirling, swirling.

Do you know those moments? I'll answer for you. No. No, of course not. But I do. My mind is screwed up; the epitome of chaos.

I used to have a normal mind.

I used to be innocent.

I used to be an ingènue.

And then, all of a sudden, I wasn't.

COPYRIGHT

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or any other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author. Quoting is fine, but just give me the proper credit.