The Reason I Love You (JakeDirk)

Part One: Three years on Nexia (TW)

Dirk was... Troubled to say the least. It had been three years since the birth of Nexia, the planet that all four or whatever insane number of sburb sessions had created, and he still wasn't totally content with life. He had the perfect outcome of the most risky game on any planet, and he still was unhappy. He had his robots and his friends, and even his bro, but one thing was missing.

He didn't have his boyfriend.

Jake had left him many years ago, so many that they didn't matter to him. Jake had said some awful rude things and Dirk had said some right back. They were both in the wrong, but neither would admit it. So Dirk sat alone in his "hive" and worked himself to exhaustion. He wouldn't eat for days , and he found himself sleep-deprived and sick a lot of the time. He needed Jake in his life again.

Jake, on the other hand, was severely depressed. He was staying inside and being taken care of by his granddaughter-slash-grandma, who urged him that he needed some sunlight on his broad shoulders. He had never been in a darker place, watching television programs and taking care of the dog. He would walk him around their large hive, stopping often to gaze into the covered windows, longingly into the sun. His sides bore cuts, streaks racing down his skin like grub scars on a troll. Nexia brought Jake English nothing but misery and loneliness, knowing he will never be able to un-see the damage he had inflicted upon the universe. And it tore at him, his eyes glistening constantly and his tears staining his cheeks.

He needed Dirk, but Dirk would never forgive him. And he would never be able to forgive Dirk, knowing that he would never apologize. They both were too stubborn. Jade had tried many times to get her grandfather-slash-grandson to forgive himself, but he never found a reason to.

But today was the day Jake English found himself at Dirk Strider's door, knocking at last.

Dirk opened the door after a few minutes, not seeming shocked at the appearance of his ex-boyfriend. They stood in silence, and both men looked each other up and down, eventually reaching eyes again. "English."

"Dirk." Jake spoke, tears already welling in his eyes. "I need you to listen."

"Well, I must not have anything else to do, do I?" Dirk snapped. He was on the verge of crying himself.

"I have missed you so..." Jake began, cautiously looking up from his feet. "I'm sorry for all those nasty things I said to you. I never meant to hurt you the way I did."

Dirk frowned behind his scratched lenses, a more pitiful frown than anything. Jake was a mess. This was obvious. He was incredibly disheveled and had terrible posture. His eyes seemed dull and had little thrill or adventure in them like Dirk had remembered; this was worrying. "Please, come inside." He said, opening the door behind him.

When the door was closed and they had sat at the kitchen table, which Dirk had cleaned off with a sweep of his arm, they began to talk about the past three years. Jake wept but Dirk only did it internally. He eventually stood, leaving the room. Jake was surprised that Dirk would leave at such a time, but the familiar arrogance tugged upwards at his lips. When Dirk entered the room once again, he found himself staring at Jake. Jake's long hair and his stubble lining his upper lip and lower chin, his eyes soft and longing. Dirk sighed. He knew since the moment Jake showed up at his door that he would fall in love with him again. He didn't want it to be fast. He wanted it to be slow and romantic, just the way they should have had it the first time.

They had come to each other in need, wanting a distraction amidst a dark time. It was the thing that they both had needed from the other, knowing that there was going to be an end.

Jake had gotten what he needed, and so had Dirk. But neither had walked away unhurt. Dirk wanted to cry, to fall on the floor, to kiss Jake, to beg him to be his again. But he remained calm. Instead of doing any of those things, Dirk pulled out a black pen. Wordlessly, he strode over to Jake. "Take off your shirt." He spoke, as punctually as possible.

"Pardon me?" Jake said, seeming caught off guard. His face displayed little emotion; his voice was what held it all. "I can't."

"I need you to." Dirk pleaded, standing over the other. "I need to see what I can do to help you."

And reluctantly, Jake obeyed, the crimson scars and the rusted ones, all down his sides. Dirk was in disbelief.

"I... Jake?"

"I told you I shouldn't, but you never listen to me, do you?" Jake cried, standing and grabbing his shirt.

"Jake, I needed to see!" Roared Dirk, stepping closer. "I needed to see what I had done to you!" and there was silence. For a long time, the two men stood there, looking lost in each other's eyes. Jake was the first to move. he set his shirt down and grabbed at the bottom of Dirk's. Finally, he spoke.

"So let me see what I did to you." he whispered, pulling upwards to reveal Dirk's caving-in stomach. His eyes closed, as his mouth took a deep breath in. Jake English knew what needed to happen. "I'll make you a deal. If I cook you food and you eat it, I'll start to take care of myself. Deal?"

Dirk considered this, but quickly agreed by nodding his head. Jake was an excellent cook, and Dirk was good at taking care of things. "On one condition," Dirk paused, taking a breath. "You stay here with me."