Feeling Poetic

New

I entered my school 3 years ago

and there are so much things that I didn't know

I came from homeschool 

Ever since I was in grade school

Took a lot of extra-curriculars

like theater, one in particular

I moved to when I got to highschool

where I felt so minuscule

I have been in a school like that before

I did what I can to do more

I would always participate

one of my natural trait(s)

Waiting there on my seat

waiting for people I could meet

Hoping that they notice me

Hoping I can be their best friend to be

That day I waited on my chair

while they are all there

I don't feel like they are very welcoming

and that left me questioning

Now I'm in senior high school 

I still feel like they are still cruel

They are better now

and I can talk to them now

But there are still times

where they don't realize I exist, sometimes

With this new year, I get to make friends

The school accepted new students (close enough)

Some of them I get along well

Some I can't even tell

We started school 4 months ago

but none of our friendships grow 

I try to talk to them and be friendly

but they make me think differently

They integrate well with the batch

they are a perfect match

What happend to me?

Why do they flee?

They got welcomed, while I get ignored

sometimes won't even talk to me, even if they're bored

What's wrong with me?

Why can't I be

someone my classmates can open up to

someone they can tell what they're going through

Is it something wrong about the way I act?

Is it the way I overreact?

Do they get pushed away by my personality?

Do they get scared of my brutality?

I have strengthened friendships, that is true

but why is it that the new students get closer to them than I do

Is it a matter of how you're raised?

Is it a matter of how much you're praised?

Is it a matter of confidence?

Do I exert too much dominance?

What about me is pushing them away?

What about me is making my only friend stay?

Where can I find a middle ground

where I'm the person they want, but still not abandoning my background?

Right now I'm still trying to find that

as I look for something I'm good at