"I love you, Alex! I love you! I am so happy, you already said yes to me. You just don't know how you made me feel like the happiest man on earth. Thank you Love! Simula ngayon, you will be my priority. I won't hurt you intentionally. Mahal na mahal kita."
These were the exact words he said to me when we were officially together. Well, hindi ko talaga makakalimutan ang araw na yon. I was happy back then. I felt loved by him. Nasabi ko nga sa sarili ko noon na ang swerte swerte ko dahil dumating siya sa buhay ko. Naging masaya kami kahit hindi kami palaging nagkikita. During weekends lang kami nagkakaroon ng time together dahil pareho kaming busy sa studies namin at idagdag pa na hindi sa iisang university kami nag-aaral. We were second year college students. I took up Accountancy while his course was Business Ad. Well, nahirapan ako noon na pagsabayin siya at ang aking pag-aaral. Noong hindi pa kami, my priority was only my studies but when he came, he became my most priority and that, my studies came second.
Time passed. I had gone through a lot of hardships and problems concerning my studies. Nahirapan ako ng sobra sobra sa accounting subjects ko. Nevertheless, hindi pa din ako nawawalan ng time para sa kanya. Still, he remained my 1st priority kahit minsan parang extreme na paghihirap na ang pinagdadaanan ko sa studies ko. Sometimes, alam kong nawawalan na ako ng drive na mag-aral at puro siya na lang ang inaatupag ko. Pero, nagpatuloy pa rin ako dahil sa motivations na binibigay nya sa akin.
Naging madalang na ang communication namin dahil nga ayaw niya maging sagabal and istorbo sa pag-aaral ko. Sa una naging malungkot ako dahil dun pero kalaunan na rin, nasanay na ako. Dahil yun ang hiling nya, nagpursigi talaga akong makabawi man lang sa pag-aaral ko.
Though we had just a little communication and time together, he never failed to let me feel that he truly loved me. By that little time for us, he showed me his sweet gestures of love. And that, I never doubted him. I trusted him wholly because I loved him more than anything else.
One week, he failed to text and call me even once. I did text him a lot of times but I got no response from him. Ni ha ni ho wala nga or kahit blank sms wala din. Sobrang nalungkot ako ng mga oras na iyon pero inintindi ko naman dahil baka naging busy rin siya sa kanyang pag-aaral. Dahil na rin super busy ako, naghintay lang ako na mag-text siya o tumawag sa akin kasi ayoko rin namang maging istorbo o sagabal sa kanyang pag-aaral. I waited for him and understood him kahit hindi ko alam kung bakit parang hindi na siya nagpaparamdam.
Two weeks, 3 weeks hanggang naging one month, hindi padin siya nagparamdam. Nasaktan ako ng sobra dahil kinalimutan niya ako. Dahil dito, napabayaan ko na naman ang pag-aaral ko. I felt so incomplete without his presence. I was, indeed, miserable that time. Para ngang mababaliw na ako sa pag-iisip kung anong nagawa ko para mawala siya ng ganoon katagal. It was killing me, the pain was killing me. Because it did really hurt me, BIG TIME!
Until one day:
"Hi" the only word he texted. By the thought that he did text me, I felt so happy and at same time, frustrated upon seeing that he only said hi. I was expecting an explanation for his disappearance.
"Hello . How are you?" I replied.
"I'm perfectly good, bout you?" his text after 20 minutes. This made me feel mad for he just said he's good as if he didn't feel bad and guilty of what he did.
"Where were you? Hindi ka nagparamdan ng isang buwan. Anong nangyari?"- me
"I was busy."-him
"Busy? Where you that super busy to forget me?"-me
"I'm sorry Alex. I had realized that I don't love you anymore. Infact, I had already a girlfriend. I love her. I wanna make our relationship official so, I am breaking up with you." Pagkabasa ko nito, parang binagsakan ako ng langi't lupa. Paanong nangyari yon? Ginawa ko naman ang lahat para sa kanya. I can actually feel the pain. Unaware, I am already crying. I want to shout! He cheated on me! Masakit na masakit na parang pinipiga nga ang aking puso. Napakatanga ko talaga para mahalin siya ng sobra. Hindi na ako nagreply sa kanya. Para ano pa? Hindi na naman maibabalik ang dati eh. Hindi rin naman maiibsan ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. Ang tanga ko talaga! Hindi mo naman ako masisisi kung bakit minahal ko siya higit pa sa ibang bagay, pinaniwala niya ako!
Days and weeks- that took me to shed tears for him. The pain doubled when I failed in my major subject in accounting. Hopeless and miserable- that was me after he came into my life. I was so broken!
Months have passed, I had accepted how I had failed in my studies and in my lovelife. Gradually, I surpassed such tragic hardships in my life. I can't actually believe that I was able to move on. A realization came up to me : I was hurt, that's obvious! But being broken, I never was actually. I survived! Horaay..
A/n To be continued and edited.
