We build then we break.

Chapter 1: Broken

I will always remember September the 10th as the day my life had changed for the better. I obviously didn't know this at the time but in hindsight, I can note it as the one, true time I had felt true happiness in 2 years. At the time I felt as though I had escaped from a world of pain and trauma, I had finally gotten fresh air into my lungs and exhaling out all the badness that had built up inside of me over the years. I was finally free.

September 9th

I had finally stepped off the train in North Yorkshire after a dreary, three hour long journey from Kings cross Station. The wind instantly whipped my hair around in the icy air, the feel of autumn slowly creeping into the atmosphere. I quickly buttoned up the fastening of my oversized denim jacket, sheltering my frozen body from the coldness of England, and grabbed the handle of my suitcase, pulling it towards the exit gates and handing the ticket guy my return ticket. Once I got outside the train station, I propped myself up against the brick wall, pulling a bottle of water out of my dark brown back pack, which had a small name label on the bottom which read 'Maddison'. Taking a sip of the water, I was relieved as I felt cool liquid slip down my throat, soothing the itchiness that had been irritating it over the course of journey but I was too drained and exhausted to bother reaching for my back pack in the overhead storage space.

Laying my head back on the wall I thought about the last three years, awful years and how now I was back home away from him. Two years ago, when I was eighteen, I had moved to London with my boyfriend, Ben, of three months as we had both gotten accepted into the University of London. It was such an amazing time for us both, although we hadn't known each other long, I was madly in love with him, he was everything I could possibly ask for. I studied Sociology and was hoping to become a sociology teacher in the future but things changed a lot. I'm not who I was two years ago. I used to be happy, bright and sociable and now I'm the complete opposite, I'm a broken mess and it's all his fault. I looked down at the wrists that he had once held, two faded bruises were still prominent from that night, the night that triggered something inside of him, a constant reminder of the months of degrading and pain that he put me through since then. I pulled the sleeves of my denim coat down and covered the bruises, hoping they would shield away some of thoughts about that night but I don't think anything could do that, not ever. I shook away the thoughts for now, right now I was back on my own turf, taking in the sights I had not seen for the past year, the last time I saw my parents, the last time I was able to.

To the left was the old, little red brick house with green vines slithering there way up to the chimney and a silver rusted weather vine placed on top of the roof. Whenever we past it when I was little and me and my family went to visit our grandparents in Liverpool, my mother always told me it was a witches house and that the smoke from the chimney was from her cauldron. Though in all honesty, I think she only told me and my older sister that so we wouldn't go into her garden and pick the apple trees like we always wanted to. I smiled at the memory and got up and crossed the road, making my way to the phone box opposite. I punched my sisters number and waited as the phone rang out before the familiar voice spoke out.

"Hello?" Alice asked. I missed her voice so much. I've missed her in general to be quite honest. She was so happy when I got into University of London but she was the most devastated of all that I was leaving and literally begged me to go to a university more local. She went absolutely mental the day I was leaving, I remember her tying her long blonde hair up into a top knot and was ready to fight me to stop me from leaving, obviously she wouldn't hurt me she was just being her over dramatic self. I can only think back now to how different my life would be right now if I hadn't gone to London. If I hadn't, that one night would never have happened. If I hadn't, I could happily stare into a mirror today and love the person I am but all's I see is a broken twenty year old girl, I'm ashamed of myself. I'm ashamed that I've allowed myself to become like this and I am ashamed of letting that monster break me down to nothing.