All By Myself

Chapter 8

We got back to my room, the food still on the table. I was pushed to the stool and forced to sit, the tray pulled in front of me. I ate slowly, the muesli bland, the banana slightly soft, but it tasted okay. I didn't touch the tea though, but I doubt they minded that. The guard took the tray and I sipped some water from the jug. I lay down on the bed, the food heavy in my stomach, and closed my eyes, curling up again. I dropped off to sleep, and was prodded awake a few hours later.

"Come with me." The guard ordered. I stood up slowly, feeling a little weak, and followed the guard out, down the halls, and into Warden's office. I didn't even bother looking around for Tucker. Without being told I sat down, my head falling forward slightly due to lethargy.

"Cassi, what's wrong?" Warden asked. I inwardly smiled, thinking they were starting to worry about me, but I couldn't show it to them. I looked at her, and I could see the worry on her face.

"I need fresh air. I need..." I stopped, hoping that she would mistake the unspoken word as freedom.

"I can get two guards to take you onto the roof so you can't run, but we can't let you go outside." Warden said. Fresh air was better than nothing, and I nodded, standing up, but, due to the blood being taken that morning, as well as the three vials from the day before and not being able to sustain myself in salty water, it took a toll on me, and my legs collapsed, causing me to sprawl to the floor. One of the guards picked me up and laid me on the examination table, Warden and Tucker moving over quickly.

"What is it? What's happened?" Tucker asked. My temperature was taken again, my blood pressure too, the first being higher than before, the latter being low.

"I don't know. I have never felt like this. The blood being taken may have something to do with it." I said. I wanted to tell them I needed the ocean, but I couldn't. I was probably too stubborn for my own good. I closed my eyes then, tiredness rolling over me. Next time I opened them, they were bundling me into a wheelchair, Tucker covering my legs with a blanket. I was wheeled to the lift, pushed in when it arrived, and taken up to the roof. When the lift doors opened and the fresh air hit my face, I nearly hyperventilated, drawing in deep lungfuls of air. Tears formed as I sat there. I never realised how much I took for granted, the air, the freedom. I started to cry as I sat there, the cool breeze lifting my hair that had escaped the plait. I couldn't smell or feel the ocean, which scared me. Too soon the guard wheeled me back to the lift, and I was taken back to Warden's office. Her and Tucker were waiting for me, and they could see I had been crying. The tears had dried to salty tracks down my cheeks, but my eyes were still red.

"Please...I need to swim." I said. They looked at each other.

"You have mentioned this before. Is there a necessity to swim?" Warden asked. I looked down. I would have to divulge some secrets if I wanted to swim.

"Yes.It helps me to stay cool." I said softly. I hoped they would take me downstairs and dump me into the pool, but I had to be patient. Warden looked at me.

"You're hiding something, but that's okay. We'll let you go and swim. There are cameras everywhere, we will figure out all your secrets." Warden said. I looked away.

"Take her down to the pool, and lock the door behind her. She can't go anywhere then." Warden said. I looked at her quickly, and she looked at me pointedly, then turned away. I was grateful to be left alone, but I was never alone anymore, not with them watching. I was wheeled down to the lift, taken down to the pool, wheeled into the change room and left there. I changed slowly into a swim suit, fixed my plait, then made my way to the pool, nearly falling in at the desire to swim. I managed to lower myself into the water and, even though it wasn't sea water, my skin started to tingle, the effort to change extravagant at how weak I was. I gasped, feeling fear flood through me, and moved to the corner of the shallow end, my legs under me. I sat there, tears falling, until the desire to change faded. I then started swimming with fervour, trying to imagine I was back in the Pacific, and my heart wrenched as I thought of the fishes, the creatures. I yearned for them. My mind was so focused on swimming and my friends that I didn't hear the door open. I was swimming towards one end when I saw a pair of black shoes come into focus, and I gasped, stopping and looking up, so surprised to see Brad that my heart pounded and my chest heaved. He had a bruise on his face from where I'd slapped him.