Just some little thoughts

Little inside thoughts

My recurring thought : To be able and to want

I am starting to think that all my goals until now have been selected mentally to be easy and reachable, that I could do with as little effort as possible, or that someone pointed me towards with whatever excuse they used. I don't know what name I could give to my behavior except laziness. Though is it that bad to want to reach the easiest to reach? Is that a clever or a stupid behavior? Can it change? And if so then how can it? This is as much questions that I can't answer and that are torturing me:

What can I be?

What do I WANT to be?

What can I do?

What do I WANT to do?

To be able and to want, two verbs that are so alike yet so far away from each other.

To be able, or what we can do with our body and what surrounds us. Money, knowledge and culture, education, environment, and many other factors that change all the time with and/or without our help.

To want, or the power of the mind, the capacity of the soul. Much less concrete but not less powerful than the power to be able, it is so close to us that we can't see it clearly nor control it fully. But the control of the will, or in other terms of the desire, can raise the number of joys we have thanks to our reason, by making the capacity and the will match. Plus, the highest this matching point between these two powers is and the greatest our motivation, fighting spirit, and at the end our happiness, are. In this case, we can think about two theories about who on this earth and in our actual society suffers the most mentally from this phenomenon.

At first, we can say that the most tortured ones are those who don't see. Those can be blind of their power, underestimate themselves and don't have enough confidence in themselves to do any desire that is a little bit too ambitious, or can search for goals without realizing that they already have some (often from denial, it being on purpose or not). Some can even be in both categories and are even more paralyzed by this blindness.

Then, we can say that the most tortured persons are those who can't control too. It being impossible and/or forbidden desires or their bodies and/or environment and living conditions, we can never control it fully. Though we have more or less control on it and the less we do and the more we suffer. The disabled and the crazy often are one of the most tortured individuals of our society today, physically as well as mentally, because they almost can't control anything, and desiring is for them much harder and becomes the origin of numerous suffers, as the matching point between the will and the capacity can't most of the time be very high (Nt: Movie 'Patients' Realized with Grand Corps Malade, French slam singer, in 2017).

Some have no choice and must lower their desires depending on their situation. Some others can't do anything because of their fears, doubts and/or lies toward themselves, as well as denial and repression of their desires. Though I think that most of those who suffer can change, at the only condition that they have help from the outside. Humans use others to hope and blossom, and they can learn to love themselves through others. They can control themselves thanks to advices, evolve and grow with the presence of others. Everyone without exception is looking for others' acceptation.

The trap is to choose the right person(s) to stay with, because this process can destroy as much as it can heal, and being with the wrong person(s) can cause suffers and sharpen the ones that we already have.