The sun came blazing through the broken piece of the blinds, sweat was dripping down my face and I noticed that the ceiling was not the same one I lying under yesterday, or the night before for that matter. So that means I have no idea where I was, and that I had got totally drunk beyond means, again. But that’s one good thing that comes from my extraordinary memory I have remembered about 20 ceilings in the last month. The stranger I was lying next to was also something I did not know, he was very pale, long blonde locks, cracked pink lips, and he smelled of sex, cigarettes, and alcohol. Now I defiantly know how my night went I got up and put my clothes on, took his cigarettes, money, and left him there. I didn’t feel bad just another one night thing, with another one night person I most likely will never see again. Waiting for the bus seemed extremely crucial today it was really hot and I was tempted to walk around without a shirt I didn’t care what people would think.
When the bus arrived a cloud of dust flew in my face the bus was very hot and had a lingering smell of must in it I sat in the back next to this very old woman she smiled at me and said I had a very pretty face, I said thank you and looked the other way. I was rambling to myself about the hell had I managed to get across town the old woman was staring at me so I thought I would just have a conversation with her. I asked her what she was doing up so early in the morning going downtown for, she laughed and answered quickly as if she had been waiting for me to talk to her “Oh I am just going to get some curry and fish for my Fish moolie (fish curry)”, I nodded and told her that sounded really good. “What are you doing going into town this early?” she asked I told her I was going home to my baby girl, she looked at me with disappointment in my culture woman were meant to be at home. To take care of the cleaning, cooking, and to be at home with the kids, if she was going downtown she was going to shop, and if she just so happened to run into a friend she would socialize but after back home she returned. She was to be wrapped up from head to toe and keep her body sacred for only her husband to see. I hated it I didn’t believe in making woman a lower standard than men, but I wasn’t following those customs I am my own woman and I didn’t care what anyone thought of me.
When we arrived at my stop I waved bye to the wrinkly old woman and stepped off the bus, the hot air and steam blew across my face. I walked up the stairs to my apartment building and down came Mrs. Perry, and her son Adi he was hanging from her arm laughing as she yelled at him to get off. Mrs. Perry was a heavy woman and Adi would purposely bug her because, he knew she would not catch him and all she could do is yell at the boy but, when she did get a hold of him he sure was in for it. They make me laugh very much I said hello to Mrs. Perry and all she did was curse me which made me wish a good day. I opened the door and my little angel came running to my legs, I picked her up and held her in my arms. I loved Elisabeth with every part of me it amazed me sometimes that I loved her so much, when I didn’t love anything or anyone strongly not even my own mother. But she was my world my bundle of joy I looked up to find my mother sitting on the couch but she was asleep, I took her legs and laying them on the couch and put a cover over her. My mother helped me when I was gone working she took care of Elisabeth and loved her as much as I did she was such a sweet, bright little girl. I sat Elisabeth down in her chair and took out Ground rice so I could make Dosas (type of pancake) they were her favorite with a little honey and cinnamon on top. I turned on the coffee machine and sat down to look at the job listings, I knew it was a better job than swinging around on a pole all night and ending up in random hotels with random strangers. My baby needed a mom and a new job was the only way she was going to see more of me and less of her dathi ma (grandmother).
They make it very hard for a single mother going against her culture to get a job they are very judgemental about things of that nature. Done with that my shower was calling me and I needed it laid Elisabeth back down I hopped in the shower and sat on balcony afterwards to smoke a cigarette. I looked down at the people below they all looked like they were in a hurry to go absolutely no where people were selling everything from fish to paper; they looked like ants scrambling up and down the street. I wondered why this poor neighborhood was so busy all the time kids playing in flurry of merchants, salesmen, and thugs, men yelling that their spices were the freshest better than everyone else’s and other men that begged to differ. It was so useless to me some of these people will just blow their earnings on things they don’t need. Life seemed so meaningless at times people worked their lives off, as soon as a young man is able to work he gets right into it people spend their whole lives miserable paying bills, most people live in struggle and for what to die with the only thing in your life being that you worked the entire time. I was one of the many people working to provide food for my family, to pay bills, and to be in this poor place for the rest of my life I didn’t see myself getting out anytime soon and I wasn’t concerned about leaving. Humans spend too much time trying to be rich, and live like the people in the magazines when the reality is what’s in front of you is what matters and you should be trying succeed in that life not trying to achieve a life that is not going to happen.
Before I knew it the sun was down and I had to work again the streets were lit up and it was still live. I kissed Elisabeth goodnight and went out into the night when I arrived at work my boss was on my case about going home with clients, she said it made her business look like a whore house not a strip club. The client I had today was very handsome his perfectly tan skin, shiny slick hair, he was built, nice smile, clean cut, and overall he was just a very gorgeous man. I knew I was going to get in trouble because, I wanted leave with him I was drawn to him and he wanted to leave with me too but I was surprised when he told me wanted to take me to get something to eat. We went to this café in the middle in downtown he kept staring at me “You know that you are very beautiful” I smiled I like that he just wanted conversation with me he was very kind, and sweet. After a long deep touching conversation, 5 cups of coffee later, and two plates of food we decided it was time to go he took me home and walked me to the door before he left he asked me to go out tomorrow I said yes, and he asked me to bring the little one.
When I laid my head down all I could do is think about him how nice he was but, I was not going to get wrapped up all into men are all the same. In the morning Elisabeth and I got dressed up to go to the beach with Ali he greeted us with that beautiful smile, he asked if he could hold Elisabeth I told him he could. Ali was playing with her as if he was her father I smiled and admired him I didn’t know what I was feeling but, I had not felt like this since Elisabeth’s father. We played in the water I had never Lisa so comfortable with a person she did not know. Me and Ali had a couple of moments when we just stared into each other’s eyes. I thought I was starting to love him, I didn’t know if you could love someone with only knowing him for two days. It didn’t matter much if I did or did not love Ali because, I’m sure he was not feeling the same way and for some reason I wasn’t interested in knowing. I didn’t want to deal with the pain and everything else that comes from that dreadful word love, I sometimes despised it. How people could lie and say they love someone and don’t mean it, how much it hurts when you hear that the one you love does not love you back. Love is an endless emotion, I still loved Elisabeth’s father which is why I hate love, how could I love someone like him, how could I possibly want to fall in love again after that heartbreaking experience? I didn’t want to fall again.
The sun was setting and we were walking hand and hand towards the street when Ali told me he loved me. I didn’t know what to say so I told him love didn’t matter to me, he told it was ok that I was afraid but, he wasn’t going to give up me until I loved him all I could do is stare into the sun. So beautiful and pure the sun was the best thing created on this world it reached my heart, and it touched me how could something so beautiful be untouchable to bright and hot to even come close to. I was silent and continued to walk into the Indian sun with Ali and Elisabeth. I did indeed love Ali but he would never know it …
