catastrophe° mark

// chapter twenty six

Time check, 4:09AM. I’m with Irah at the club. I am watching over her because Ten, Taeyong and Jaehyun aren’t here and I’ve got to make sure she’ll be able to go home in one piece. I am supposed to be sleeping right now because I still have to attend school later but I sacrificed this day for her because she’s recently facing problems. It’s something she’s been keeping to herself for weeks. I don’t understand why she’s been like this. I actually scolded her for drinking almost every day just to ease the pain away but she really follows what she wants. I cannot stop her. Why? I don’t have the right to do so. I’m not her family, not even her partner.

I started to question her fidelity and commitment. I thought she was ready to finally free herself from all her habits but no, she’s even more aggressive than before. I was afraid that she has forgotten her promises and all. I wanted to remind her but I know she’ll have a harder time. She’s not really drunk right now. Just a little dizzy. We were actually sitting on the couch. Her head leaned against my shoulder and my hands on her lap. I was the only minor in the place and people who pass  by us would stare at us and give us this judgmental look.

“ irah. Tell me what’s wrong . I need to know, i have thr right to know “ . I asked her as I lifted her chin up. She blinked her eyes at me and said “ My mom. She wants me back “ . I don’t see the issue here. Like , what’s wrong with having her mom taking her back? Isn’t that good news? Isn’t it relieving? “ Then why are you acting this way? “ I added.

She sat properly and gave me an exhausted look.” You don’t know what it’s like to live with my mom. “ .

“ Wae? Mwo? “ . I needed to know so I’ll keep on bothering her right now because I am after all here to help her out. “ Do you know how dirty she is? Sleeping with other men, having sex and get their money? She threw me out of the house Mark. She never wanted me. She never loved me. She said a lot of things at me and just made me wish she was dead but even though I say bullshit, i don’t mean it because deep inside me, no matter how cruel and evil she is, she’s still my mother but no matter how I think about it, it just disgusts me because all my life, I believed that she actually loves me like the way she loved her other family. I envied her new children. I envied their life. I wanted to be like them but then this is what it turned me. I dreamt of being with them but I knew that was going to remain just a dream. “

“ Now that she wants me back, makes me wanna throw up. After all she has done to me and my father? Heck no. Never. She never was there when dad was suffering. She never visited, she never showed up and she never made me feel her presence. She was that invisible when it comes to my family but whenever I turn on the television, seeing her with her new family? Seeing her smile with them? Just breaks my heart because ever since my family drifted, I’ve always wished to smile like the way I used to.I am never ever going to go back to her. Even if she’ll kneel in front of me, she didn’t need me and I don’t need her either. I mean, look at me. Fuck i survived 10 years on my own. I’ve been through worse! What else can’t I do? She’s just being a hyprocrite “ . She said confidently as her eyes begin to moist. I knew she was holding back her tears. If I know, she swore to herself to never cry because of her mom. I know even if she said all of those, deep inside her, she wants to go back and just hug her mother. The only thing that stands between them is her pride.

“ You know, you can forgive her right? Catastrophe, you don't have to be so cold. She's your mother “  I said as gently fondle her hair. She narrowed her eyes and furrowed her brows and said “ No Mark. It’s not and never that simple. It’s easy for you to say that because you don’t know what it’s like to be isolated, forgotten and left behind. You don’t know how blessed you are to have your parents by your side “ .

“ So are you just going to continue fucking your life and be like this every single damn day? Aren’t you fucking tired of being like this?“ I answered, furrowing my brows. “ What do you mean by being like this? “

" LIKE THIS " I pointed at her face. I was referring to her doings, not her herself. I planned to change her so that things will work for us. So I don't have to fear when I am with her.

Everyday, it's like I'm in a trap. One single mistake and that's it. I get caught, I can't escape. Everyday, my life is at risk. One wrong decision and that's it. I suffer.

She stood up and looked down at me as I tried to avoid her eyes. she looker furious.

She paused for a while as she stared at my face. I begin to notice her tears to fall from her face down to the floor.

“I love this life Mark. What’s wrong with being an alcoholic? A smoker? A rebel? What’s wrong with being LIKE THIS?! “

" i thought you love me just the way I am. isn't that why you stayed and be with a girl who's older and a bad influence to you right? there's nothing wrong with that right? "

I replied catastrophe, shaking my head, saying " Nothing is wrong with you Catastrophe. god every single bit of you is perfection-- i just want you to be better than this-- " she interrupted me “Are you saying to change who I am? “

She responded as she raised her voice at me. My heart raced and I did nothing else but grit my teeth. “ What the fuck mark lee. No one’s ever going to change me. Not even you. I like you but that doesn’t mean I’ll change. I love this life and if you don’t then there’s no reason for you to stay longer. “ . She again paused for a while and then continued “ Mark, are you bothered with who I am right now? “ . I don’t know what to say so I just remained silent. but at some point I need to say this, it's for our own good.

" in order for us to work, cath, we have sacrifice-- "

" and I should be the one who'll sacrifice? how about you mark? did you even sacrifice something for me? " irah said as she held back her tears

“ Ahh, Jinjja. I now understand. You’re afraid of me aren’t you? Do you think that the only thing I’m good at is to ruin one’s life? To ruin yours? I that it? Do you think I came in to your life to screw it? “ She said and took a long sip of her tequila.  “ Mark, you don’t know how hard it is to detach myself from my habits. it’s the only thing I know I can do to forget the pain. If you’re expecting me to be someone else then I am sorry. I can’t be someone like you, I can’t be Mina nor anyone else. I am me and if you’re ashamed of who I am, then there’s nothing  I can do about it because I don’t give a single care of what others think of me because this is my life. I get to decide and I get to live it. “ She grabbed her leather jacket that was hung on our chair and left the place..

I tried to chase her but I stopped the moment when I realized she didn’t stop from running.  I think I was crying at that time. I didn’t notice it either because the only thing I could think of was Irah..

--

I wanted cath to change as well but.. hihi

ANNYEONGHASEYOOOOO!!! TALK TO ME CHILDREN. MOM IS BOOOREEEDDDD