Where the Happiness Lies Within My Wings

WHERE THE HAPPINESS LIES WITHIN MY WINGS

I stand silently, unmoving, at the water's edge. The wind whispering through my hair and my toes, bare in the sand, are just hardly wetted; the sea swells, with the foam caressing my feet. I sigh quietly, bathing in the moon light, my eyes closed. The cool night breeze coming off the ocean picks up and I breathe in the salty sweet air. I feel so insignificant, yet so important, all in the same breath. I am footprints in the sand. I wash away with the tide. I am footprints in the sand. I dance away in the wind. I am footprints in the sand. I am unique. I am footprints in the sand. I am my own.

Slowly, without opening an eye, I begin to remove my clothing; my hooded sweatshirt, my tank top, and my shorts, haphazardly tossed in the sand. I stand there, in my lingerie, and remove that too after a moment. The wind gusts and covers me in goose bumps. I shudder and begin my decent into the water, my eyes now opening for the first time since I made my decision. I ever so carefully walk into the vast sea and stop when the water begins to roll around my waist. Out in the water the wind seems a touch more ferocious. My wavy auburn hair is now dancing into my face and around my shoulders. My skin is milky in the ink colored sea. I pull in a slow breath and swim, the most graceful and peaceful swim, of my life. I swim out, past the swells, all the way to the calm. My feet no longer are able to grace the earth beneath me. I flip over and float. Bobbing like a great white buoy in the distance. Lying as still as possible, moving with the calm.

How easily I could do it. How easily I could swim. Swim out farther than I have ever swum before. Drop off the face of the earth, in the place I love the most. But I do not. I remain where I am, floating around this sad, sad earth, wishing I had wings to fly up to the spirit world. So I could look down upon this scene and know that I am doing the right thing as I swim to shore; as I dress; as I lie down on my blanket and close my eyes; my sleep taking me on a journey, to find my wings. Taking me to the place where my happiness lies.