mute ; zhang yixing [ lay ] ON HOLD

five

As time went by, the same pattern repeated itself. Xinnan would eat Yixing's Cocoa Puffs, Yixing would freak out, and Xinnan would have to go buy more. Their life was one continuous cycle, until the start of college interrupted it.

Xinnan no longer had time to steal Yixing's Cocoa puffs, Yixing no longer had the time to get mad about it, and Xinnan no longer had the time to go buy more,

and they both didn't have time for each other.

Yixing being a dancing and music major, was  either in the practice room creating a new choreography for upcoming assessments, or his room composing new songs for due projects. Xinnan, being an English major, was always reading famous literature or writing a due assignment in her room, cocooned in blankets.

Occasionally, when Xinnan went to the store, she would remember Yixing and buy a box or two of his favorite cereal, and sometimes, Yixing would come back from the practice room with two bubble teas for Xinnan. Otherwise, they made no efforts to reach out to each other.

Throughout this time, Xinnan made no efforts to reach out to Luhan, thinking she was a helpless case.

*+•.*

Warm air blasted on Xinnan's face as she opened the door to her 11'o clock writing class. She took her seat in the very back of the auditorium as she took off her heavy coat and scarf. The chatter of her classmates echoed throughout the vast room. She took her seat and started taking out all her notebooks when she heard the door open.

Silence settled over the auditorium as the professor walked in. Everyone put their electronics away and pulled out their textbooks and writing utensil.
The professor started droning on about how to captivate the reader's attention when writing the first page of the story. Xinnan zoned him out and started doodling random squiggly lines on the corner of her paper.

"Xu Xinnan!"

The blonde's head snapped up at the mention of her name.

"Come up to the front and present your beginning of your short story," the professor call out to her. Xinnan's blood ran cold as her eyes went wide. She look around the vast room full of her peers. Her hands shook as she slowly got out of her seat and walked down the aisle towards the front of the classroom.

Xinnan's eyes nervously shifted from side to side, her hands wringing each other. When she got to the front, the professor gestured to the middle of the room. Scenarios of what could go wrong flashed through Xinnan's head: she started to have a mental breakdown.

She frantically looked back at her professor, who simply gestured for her to go on and speak.

What if I do something wrong? What if I say something and everyone will hate me? So many things could go wrong.

"U-um m-my short st-story is called Th-the Floating C-city," Xinnan said nervously. The blonde girl could've sworn she heard someone snort in the back of the vast room.

"Alright, interesting title. Now read out the first paragraph of your short story," The professor nodded while clicking his pen. Xinnan looked down at her hands, ready to bear through the torture of reading out loud, until she realized -- she didn't bring her final draft with her.

Waves of snickers rung in her ear and her face turned a deep shade of red.

I want to hide, I want to hide, I want to hide, I want to hide.

Xinnan felt as if the whole ground was shaking. Tears sprung in her eyes as she felt her chest constrict. Xinnan stumbled on her own feet as she blindly made her way to the doorway. Whispers were made up in her mind as she passed the other students' desks. The blonde didn't realize she wasn't breathing until she gasped for air once she reached outside. Tears tumbled down her face as she blinked furiously. She hasn't had a panic attack in years and forgot how miserable it felt. The constricting feeling in her chest became unbearable as she fought to breathe. Xinnan slid down a wall as she tried to calm herself down.

Deep breath in, deep breath out, she repeated to herself over and over again. In, out, in, out.

Xinnan's vision cleared after a few minutes, her breathing returning back to normal. By then, the professor came out to check on her.

"Xinnan, are you alright? Do you need to be excused from the rest of class?" The professor softly asked, peering down at the small girl. The blonde girl sniffled as she nodded her head.

"You know, Xinnan, you may want to reconsider your major. Becoming an author also requires you to talk about your book in front of large audiences that expect answers and explanations on your book. And judging by that episode you had just now, that's not going to be an easy feat," The professor said quietly, as if he were scared his words would cause another panic attack to happen.

Xinnan's eyes went wide. She was being told, by her own professor, that she shouldn't attempt to achieve her goals. The blonde girl couldn't believe it.

"Wh-why would-"

"Look, I'm just trying to help you. If you want to be able to present your books and sell, you need to be able to talk in front of crowds. I'm sorry."
With that, the professor walked away.

Xinnan sat in shock.

Give up my dreams?

Xinnan wiped her eyes with determination as she took her phone out of her back pocket.

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sorry for this lol i just wanted to update