RANDOMNESS IS REAL

My smile is all that of a mask

All people can smile a fake smile and getaway with it, I always fake it. You can do it, I've did it even when I was crumbling. My mother never loved me and I knew.....I was a mistake, all because a condom broke. When I was born. I lived with my grandmother then when I was 6 my mom took me from my happiness, I never saw her again....then my brother came he was older.he was 8, I didn't understand why my mom and dad loved him more ,Phil had jet black hair and very dark blue eyes. He would point out the things I hated the most about myself. Like my skinny body and my dress style or how my front teeth would be pushed out a little bit. "HAHHAAH, I can't believe you have OCD PFHAHHA THATS SO FOR NERDS, OH WAIT YOU ARE ONE HAHAHAH" and that stuck with me he's I'm 14 and he's 16 now. And he is still like that, then.......I made some bad friends, I told them I heard and saw ghosts they asked about it........I told them all about them, then they mocked me by saying random numbers and coming up to me and just pushing me a little.....then they told me they where not real.....the reason I like to think they where ghost was because I didn't want to admit I was going crazy and having voices in my head, so I thought of them a loving ghost but.....when they told me they where not. I felt sad and then I told the teacher she had known about them and told them off I told her everything...but she asked them If all of it was true..... that both said no the teacher asked my if I lied all I said "I must have got that part wrong" I say but I know that they where lieing but I took the pain......but what they said could not be undone.....I don't talk to friend anymore....friend was the name of my ghost friend then shame then Vincent......and lost Vincent was the only one who told me his name.......I don't talk to them but they get LOUDER AND LOUDER......BEGGING me to speak to them but I never do.......something my old friends would come over to me and say "what's the name of your ghost friend 'I don't want to talk about it' good because there not real" she would say......sometimes...I think of cutting all her hair off.....making her cry and her not having help.......just how I never had help from the teacher or my mom.....I think of it sometimes.................