Caught in the Past

Chapter 1: Falling Apart.. Again

Amara's POV

Stumbling up the stairs to my house, as quietly as I could, I started taking my keys out of my purse. But since I had such a tiny purse, I struggled. If I make too much noise, my mom's going to hear and she's gonna get so mad at me for coming home late...again.

When I finally got my keys out of my purse, I opened the door. I stumbled a bit and hit the table in the hallway. A vase that once sat there was now on the ground, shattered into a million pieces.

"Shit.."

Staring at the vase I wondered why we had one if there wasn't any flowers in it. My mom's so weird...

"Amara? Is that you?" I heard my mom's raspy tired voice call out.

"Yeah mom it's me," I said, "go back to sleep." I stated. I started walking towards my room but then the lights suddenly turned on. Squinting my eyes, I turned around to face my mom.

"Do you have any idea what time it is young lady?" she all but yelled at me. She was a few steps away from me in the angry-mom pose with her hands on her hips. I could see her tired eyes and the dark bags under them.

"Uhhh," I looked at the clock on the wall, "3:17" I say looking back at her.

"Yes Amara. 3:17 AM! It's the morning Amara!" she yells, still sounding mad.

I groan, "mom not right now," I tell her and continue my trek to my room.

"Oh no! Come back here! We're not done talking Amara Paige! I am tired of you destroying yourself with all this partying and alcohol drinking! Not to mention all the times you've been cooped up in your bedroom! All you do is stay in your bedroom during the day but when night comes your out the door to go party somewhere! Amara, this needs to stop!" she screams. She's past yelling now. I fast walk to my room and shut the door in her face, cutting her off. I heard her banging on the door while calling out my name. I took my heels off and walked to my night stand. Opening the bottom drawer, I took out the bottle of vodka I kept in there. Sitting down on the floor, leaning against my bed.

To be honest I wasn't always like this. I was actually a happy girl who had good grades and was in a good relationship with my boyfriend. I had my whole life planned out. But then I found out that I was pregnant. Key word was. I was pregnant. My baby died because of starvation. It was around the time when we had finals and I was skipping meals a lot so I could study more, but it led to my miscarriage. I didn't know about the pregnancy until I passed out and woke up in the hospital.

*Flashback*

What the hell is that beeping noise? Where the hell am I? Slowly, I started to open my eyes. I looked at my surroundings and saw that I was in the hospital. What the hell? I saw my mom standing near the door talking to a man in a white lab coat. I'm guessing he's the doctor.

"M-mom?" I croaked. My throat was dry but it didn't bother me as much as the look on the doctor's face as he turned to look at me. "What's wrong? Why am I here?"

"Hello Ms Paige, I'm Doctor Ford," the doctor said, "I'm afraid I have some bad news to tell you and your mother." Mom sat beside me and took hold of my hand. She squeezed it in hopes to comfort me, but it didn't help.

"What is it Doc? Is there something wrong?" I asked nervously.

"AMARA!" I heard from outside the room. I turned around and saw Dyson, my boyfriend, "AMARA!" he opened the door and looked at me and my mom, and then at Doctor Ford.

"I'm sorry for interrupting. I just got a message saying that Amara was in the hospital. I got here as soon as I could," he said as he walked towards me. "Hey baby, how are you feeling?" he half heartedly smiled and kissed my forehead.

"Hey babe. I'm fine, but Doctor Ford was just about to tell us something."

All three of us looked at Doctor Ford, "please continue Doc," my mom says.

"As I was saying, I have some bad news. I'm sorry to say this but Amara you were two weeks pregnant. Unfortunately, you had a miscarriage."

It was like time stopped. I look at the doctor with tears starting to form in my eyes. This couldn't be real. I couldn't believe what I saw hearing. No. My baby.. I was pregnant with Dyson's baby. I was going to be a mom. We could've been a happy family but I killed my baby. I killed my baby.

"How?" I asked with a lump in my throat. I could feel my tears on the verge to fall.

"Starvation" was all he said. I didn't notice Doctor Ford leave. I only heard the door close. My cries were distracted me from the outside world that was around me. I only got the feeling of my mom and Dyson in the room with me.

"Amara," my mom whispers to me, hugging me.

"I killed my baby mom. I killed my own baby. My flesh and blood. I'm the worst mother ever," I brought my hands to my face and started to cry.

"Oh honey. It wasn't you're fault. You didn't know," I heard her say through my sobs. I felt her hug me tighter. I look to my left and saw Dyson looking at the ground.

"Dyson?" I trailed off. He was as shocked as I was. We both didn't know about this pregnancy. I sob louder and my mom hugs me tighter.

"I could've been a father.." he mumbles. He's staring at the wall in front of him now. I could see his fists clenching in his lap.

"Dyson," I put my hand on his forearm, "I'm sorry. I didn't know." He visibly flinches at my touch. I pull my hand back as he starts to get up.

"YOU DIDN'T KNOW? HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW AMARA?! DIDN'T YOU SEE THE SYMPTOMS?" he yells. He looks down afterwards and in the smallest voice he says, "why didn't you check? Didn't you feel different?" he was pacing now.

"Dyson please," I begged. At this point, I was bawling my eyes out. I wanted to comfort him but I couldn't. My mom was holding me down saying that I needed to rest. I couldn't rest. No. not after hearing that I lost my baby and it was all my fault.

"No," he says, "I can't do this anymore." With that said, he just walked out of the room.

*End of Flashback*

I didn't even notice my face was covered in tears until I felt one fall on my hand. I wiped my face and opened the bottle, taking a swig of vodka. That night was the last time I heard from Dyson. A couple of weeks later I saw him kissing a girl from one of his study groups. Guess I didn't get the memo about our break up.

I drank the whole bottle of vodka. Before I knew it, I starting drifting off to sleep.

**************

Hellooo Readers!!
It's Antoinette and Jocelyne the writers and we just want to say Thank you for reading our story. We worked quite a long time and we're so excited to finally publish the first 5 chapters of this story. Hopefully you'll continue to read and support us, this is our first book so beware of small errors. Please leave any suggestions in the comment section on things we need to work on and also like our story if you enjoy it.

~ Antoinette & Jocelyne