Emotions Diary

Part 4

I'm not happy at home anymore. I can't decide what to do. My dad (who I love with every fiber of my being) keeps asking me to move in with him. I want to, I really do, but if I do, I'll loose everything. I'd be leaving my school that holds all of my friends, my band. I was going to ask my dad to start the process of changing custody after marching season ended but if I did that my grades would drop. I can't let that happen. My grades are everything. I the thought, "Well I'll just wait for school to end." but I wait until then, I know I'll chicken out and stay with my mom. She treats me like shit. Hell, she doesn't even talk to me or acknowledge me enough to treat me like anything. I'll talk to someone at home and they just look at me and turn back around. No one talks to me because of one stupid mistake I made. They say I won't help with anything because it wouldn't benefit me. Maybe they should think about this. Why would my step dad stop touching my butt (even after I ask him to stop multiple time) because it wouldn't benefit him. Why would my mom trust her cheating husband instead of her own offspring? Because being married benefits her more that loving her daughter. Living with them is not good for my mental and physical health. I have scoliosis so bad that my shoulders are different heights. My left is lower than my right. In July, I hurt my back at my birthday party. I went down the water slide and my cousin accidentally fell down, hitting me right on the spine. It knocked all of the breath out of me. I couldn't breath. Nothing could come in, and nothing could come out. I thought I was dying. When my breath finally returned, I got off the slide and went to sit down. My back has been giving me problems ever since. It's fine when I'm moving, but when I sit down or lay down it starts to hurt. I told my mom about this and she called the doctor. They told her to take me to the chiropractor. She hasn't even contacted them. It's been 3 months. 3 months of pain and worrying that this is going to effect me when I'm older. She is so strict about my grades that im AFRAID to get a B. Anytime I do she calls me a disappointment. She punishes me for the bad grades but does nothing (not even a good job) for the good ones.

Caricia and Renee, if you read this, please tell me what to do. Help me make the decision. I can't do it on my own. Should I wait until school is over or now to move in with my dad?