Dear Demi Lovato...

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Dear Demi Lovato.

I sent you a letter about a year ago because my therapist told me to. She told me that because I was always talking about how much I love you and how much you have done for the people in the whole world.

In the previous letter I told you about my bullying problems, my self-harm and more that I can’t actually remember right now… When I sent the letter to you I was in a bad place, I didn’t feel good but after I sent the letter, I felt a lot better. Like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I guess that writing down your feelings to someone you have never met, even though I have no idea if you actually read it or not, it actually makes you feel better.

Because it made me feel so much better, I decided to write another one. To get all of the things I want to say to you, even though I have no idea if you will actually read this or not.

First, I want to personally thank you for everything that you are doing, trying to help everyone and just thank you for being absolutely amazing. I have tried on Twitter but there are only few lucky people that you actually noticed and that has never been me, yet.

I said in the other letter, I was terribly bullied from the age of 8 to 13, at 13 I moved schools because it was that bad. It wasn’t only bad words being thrown at me, it was a lot of punching, kicking, tripping and just a lot of nasty things that I don’t want to get into because then I would start crying again. I feel like I'm always crying. My mum says it is totally normal but when people see me cry, I hate it. I absolutely hate it. With my mum it’s different but I still hate crying in front of people, even though it’s my mum. Do you want to just sometimes go in your room, turn all the lights off, and go in your bed, under the covers and just cry? Because I do. And at that time, that was all I wanted to do. I felt so bad and when I think about it now, I don’t really know why. Did that happen to you too? Does it still happen?

Anyways, people made me their own punching bag and threw nasty words at me every day. When you hear it all the freaking time, you start to believe it. I was told that I was ugly, fat, freak, bald fat freak, (I lost my hair due to a decease called alopecia at the age of 11. That just made things even worse.). Those words along with other words were thrown at me every single day for 5 years. Can you believe how cruel people can get?

I started a new school, 2 years after I left the other school. In the school between them I was just the lonely girl that just stayed in the corner, I had a few friends but nothing really that special.  I was so nervous to start. It was a new school, in a new country, a new language and new kids.

I started the school and I kind of fell in with the “bad crowd.” I was 15 when I started that school. (Just right after I sent you the first letter, I was telling you about how nervous I was.) I started hanging out with kids my age and older.  I started smoking and drinking. I only did it because the others were doing it. I felt like if I didn’t, they would make fun of me. So I started doing what they were doing and I never was really happy but I always thought; “At least I have friends.” I started to self-harm again and I started to think badly about myself again. I still remember the first cigarette I smoked and the first drink I had. The first cigarette was a red Winston and the first drink was a beer. I became addicted.

When your CD DEMI came out, and I heard the song Warrior for the first time, I cried. Not because it fit my situation but because I wanted it to. I wanted to become a Warrior. And that’s what I tried to do. I stopped hanging out with those people, I got new friends that are still my friends now, I stopped drinking and I rarely smoke anymore but only a few on a real bad day and my self-harming became less and less.

A couple of weeks ago I got your book, Staying Strong delivered it to my house after endless waiting after pre-ordering it. I read the intro you did and I started crying. I read the passage for my birthday and it said:

“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors

where there were only walls.”

-Joseph Campbell

In a world that is full of challenges and unknowns, the simplest rule of thumb for me is to do what makes me happy. The world opens up in unforeseen ways when you dare to think of all the possibilities. Do what makes you happy and good things will follow.

Goal: pursue the things that give you the most fulfillment and happiness.

And that is exactly what I did. I feel so happy right now, like everything that seemed so wrong is fitting into place. Like my life is finally organized. Now that I'm writing this, I'm crying happy tears and I don’t mind that I'm sitting in a coffee house writing and crying. Because now, I'm happy.

I'm happy with myself, the way I look

I'm happy with the people in my life

I'm happy with my family

I'm happy there is coffee in this world

And most of all

I'm happy you helped me through all of this.

YOU made my life a lot better, I still have some things that I'm not happy about but I have learned to accept them. I have learned to treat myself right and I have learned to be stronger. A Warrior. I have learned all this because YOU taught it to me. YOU taught me to stay strong

I do know that you have no idea who I am. I do know that there is no chance that you will ever read this, but there is always a possibility that you will. And right now, I'm a ‘the glass is half full’ kind of girl.

The reason I sent you this letter is because I wanted to say a massive THANK YOU for everything that you have done.  With out you, I don’t know where I would be. So, THANK YOU!

Yours truly

-PumkinStealer

I don’t know why I'm posting this here, I guess I like the idea of someone reading this and maybe get inspiration to get better if you are going through the same thing. So if you have any trouble, you can always come talk to me. As you can see in the letter, I have been through something and have overcome it. So by all means, there is no problem at all, you can come 

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