It Started With Deceit

The truth.

The truth is that I'm so afraid of sounding like a liar when I say I haven't forgotten about my stories, so afraid that I haven't been able to say it.

But it took a total stranger, and you'll know who you are, who said six words that just made me stop and think. And I honestly read over that message so much until I knew it by heart, don't think I haven't seen it because I didn't reply I just haven't been able to bring myself to. Because on some level I know I'm a half decent writer, but at the same time it never really sinks in that anyone actually reads my stories. I read the comments asking for updates but they never seem to sink in, the idea that someone is actively waiting for a new chapter because for a while, long before I stopped writing, I began to hate my work. Nothing sounded right on the pages, the stories had lost all direction and purpose, before I used to be able to see myself in my stories -see my humour and individual style but lately everything was just falling to pieces. So when I started getting busier ( Five days of college doing four A levels, and a job that works me nineteen hours in three days at minimum wage ) the idea of forcing myself to continually write, read, and look at something I had come to hate just drove me insane with frustration. I so desperately wanted just to start over on all of them but I had four stories going at once and about another five unpublished ones I'd been working on and it just seemed like a mammoth task therefore -it's not an excuse I'm disappointed enough in myself- I began putting it off. Weeks turned into months, and those months are ending now.

I know I've already had too much and I'm a shitty writer, but I'm going to need time. I need to both re write some chapters and find direction of where I want the stories to go. Skater boys will be the first, then Heritage, then ISWD and following on from those I will begin publishing new stories. It's going to be slow, it'll be one fic at a time until I'm completely happy with it. But yeah, I hope that's everything and I hope this all makes sense. I just felt that you all deserved an explanation, after all if someone aspires to be like me, to be an author like me, then it's about time I get my act together and be an author who sets a good impression and doesn't take four months to update a single chapter.

Again, I'm sorry, but I'm trying, it'll be slow and I've no idea when they'll come out but it will happen.