Finn's journal

Day 1

Day 1, uh I guess this is my journal now..
They think it's a good idea to write down what's goin on in my head. Funny, my head is so fucked up I don't get why they'd even suggest this. I'm gonna warn whoever reads this...this is probably gonna get scary. I hate my heart. I hate my brain. They hate each other. My heart is selfish and greedy, the fucking thing wants love and when it gets it..it wants more and it won't let anyone else have its love. Me and my brain think that I am not worthy of love for what I've done...what I've done is horrible. Horrible horrible things an I don't do them on my own...Its my heart my heart gets jealous and it takes control. My brain isn't in control I'm not in control I need help please the medicine isn't working the medicine makes it worse! My heart just gets angrier and my brain gets fuzzy and it's horrible I can't think I can't take back control. They want me to be happy but I'm happy if they're happy. Please be happy Fonts. I want to see you smile I want to see your smile. Please smile. I know you probably hate me..hate me because I take away every friend you've ever known except for Mam and your squadron. Please know that I'm not doing it on purpose im not sane then...I'm not myself. I hate it...I hate this and I need help. I just want you to love me but it won't work so..so being happy is the only thing I want..be happy. Smile even for just a second. Promise me..promise if I actually finally go insane. Kill me. I don't deserve life at that point...
I have to go, people to kill..

Sincerely,
Finnegan