Finn's journal

Day 2 (continuation)

Hm, well I don't usually do this but I need to write, so sorry if those of you who find this and read this weren't expecting me to write a second entry for the same day.
Selfish...why am I so selfish? Just..why? Why am I selfish? Selfish soul. Souls are selfish all they want is love and when that love is given to them they want more and more and more and then they keep taking and taking and taking. It's tiring actually. Souls are naturally selfish for love and affection it just happens mine is greedy for it. It's unfair, I can't help it, I don't know if they understand that I can't help it. I did it again I killed someone again and the look on their face when they found out what I did was priceless. Priceless really because you can't put a price on that look of dullness and uncaring. I've gone and done it so many times that the news lost its sting and now they don't care..why don't they care? Please just care I want you to care be angry punch me scream at me anything so I know I didn't drive you emotionless Fonts! Fonts God dammit you are amazing why do you even recognize my existence? If you wouldn't have said hi that one day then you wouldn't be lonely and you wouldn't have a mentally sick dumb ass following you around and as one of your only friends I'm sorry. I'm so sorry please forgive me...I hate myself and what I've done to you you don't deserve me and yet I want you. You are too good for me and anyone else and I don't even get why I haven't picked myself off either. you know why? Selfishness. Yeah it gets me again and again and again....I wonder if they've read this. If Mam has read this? what would they think of me now...? It's all a facade my smile my happy go lucky attitude is a lie and I wonder if they've seen right through it...I wonder if she's seen through it or if they've seen through it? Maybe they have I don't know. Are you still reading? Wow then you really are a sadist hm? Reading this in the memory of a pitiful fox who loves someone who he thinks is the world and yet he won't let himself have them? Yeah that's funny. Well while your still here I guess I should tell you how I feel about "them." You know them right? Yeah I mention them a lot.
Them is Fonts. Fonts the serial killer boss. They're on the top floor, locked away in their office and working on their work like the productive being they are. Intelligent, funny, beautiful, honest, and caring. I love them. I don't know if they return it but if they do then I'm happy but I can't let us be together. I'd be out of a job and well..,I don't deserve them. I've sinned so many times the blood of victims on my paws staining my claws and knife and my scarf still smells like blood. I can hear the screaming echoing in my ears every time I sleep. Do you know what it's like to have the feeling of passing out and falling asleep but then waking up to see dead bodies around you, blood dripping from your paws and the substance warm and gooey as it squishes when you move your body. Your pant legs soaked in it and the dying gasps and breaths of those who lay mangled in front of you and knowing that you caused this? Yeah it's horrible and I know that feeling like the back of my paw...it's horrible actually. I've thrown up many times at the thought and sight of it.
I think that's all you need to know for now..I will write later.

Sincerely,
Finnegan