Pay Me, Bug!

Chapter 08

WHEREIN Our Hero, Confronted With the Threat of Impending Family, Reacts in a Measured and Appropriate Fashion

Captain Vindh took his sister's message the best he could: he panicked.

"She's where?" Vindh looked like an animal with a leg trapped in a snare--an animal, Ktk noted, that hadn't quite decided to chew off its own leg, but also hadn't ruled out the possibility of chewing off someone else's.

"Here?" The Captain began to pace up and down the Wardroom floor. "Good God, Ktk, are you sure that's what the woman said?"

Ktk retold the entire story, including Cyrus' message about the diplomatic vessel and battlecruiser in orbit around the planet, and the diplomatic seal Captain Vindh's sister used when transmitting her message.

Vindh slumped into a chair and leaned on the table, staring at his hands. "Amys."

"I know, Grif."

"Amys, we have to find a way to get out of here."

"I know, Grif."

Ktk noticed that Amys, though not as expressive as the Captain, was not doing anything to dismiss or downplay his reaction. Ktk explained to them both that the refit would take another month to finish, and the Fool's Errand was grounded until then.

"A month?" Captain Vindh stared at Ktk sharply.

Ktk clarified that it would take a month assuming everything went without incident.

"Oh, we have an incident right here," the Captain muttered. "My psychopathic sister is in orbit around this planet... looking for me."

He stood, clenched his fists, and began to pace the room again. "I need a stiff drink," he muttered. "A stiff drink, and a heavy gun. A stiff drink, a heavy gun, a new identity, and a working ship--"

Ktk suggested that perhaps it might be prudent to simply meet with her. Captain Vindh stopped pacing abruptly, and he and Amys both stared at Ktk as if it had suggested they go swimming in deep space stark naked.

"Are you crazy, bug?" Vindh's expression indicated he wasn't sure if Ktk was trying to make a joke. "I'm not going to meet with that woman! I have no idea what will turn up missing if I do!"

"Or who," Amys muttered. Vindh nodded vigorously.

Ktk expressed doubt that his sister could really be that bad, no matter how strained their relationship.

"Strained?" Captain Vindh looked up at Ktk in disbelief. "Strained suggests that with great amounts of time and energy it's possible to dance around any kind of substantive conversation that might provoke conflict. Strained implies that by walking on eggshells it's possible for two people to have a civilized, if chilly, conversation. Strained assumes a relationship where polite conversation is difficult, but still possible. Our relationship isn't strained, Ktk--it's the kind of relationship a man in an unshielded envirosuit has with a corrosive atmosphere. You breathe just fine for a while, and then suddenly your flesh is exposed... and it burns, Ktk, it burns..."

Ktk wasn't convinced.

"Dammit bug..." The Captain searched for words. "Dammit! She really is that bad. She's--well--Amys, tell it how bad she is! I'm too busy panicking."

Amys opened her mouth to speak. "She--"

"No, nevermind, I'll tell it," Captain Vindh interrupted. "Ktk, my sister may very well be the single most evil creature currently knocking about the galaxy."