Sket | Minizerk

3 - Josh / Simon

JOSH

When I walked into school the next day I found the squad, in our usual place under the shelter outside the cafeteria, in a huddle around something. From what I could tell they were having mixed reactions. JJ was smiling and doing a little dance, Harry and Ethan looked confused, Tobi was nodding his head along and Vikk had a straight face showing no emotion of any kind.

JJ looked up from whatever they were watching or listened to, saw me and beckoned me over.

"Oi what're you lot watching?"

"LondonGrimeMedia mate." JJ replied.

"Apparently it's like this YouTube channel where people can post videos of them rapping or send for other people who participate in the channel." Vikk explained, still with a deadly straight face.

"Honestly mate, from what I've seen the beef that goes down on this channel could literally be turned into a soap opera or something." Ethan said with an almost-impressed tone.

"Let me have a look then," I came to join them around JJ's phone.

On the screen was a boy, who must've been our age, maybe a little bit younger, with messy blonde hair. He wore a black North Face jacket and looked slightly intimidated.

Then the music roared and he started to rap.

"Yo, yeah, light the bifta I'm gonna rape your little sister, fried chicken lickin' I'm gonna give her a kickin'"

Blimey.

"Yo, yeah, my name's called Tate. Har dar dar with your head off a gate!"

As the song went on I concluded his rapping wasn't particularly bad for his age but needed work, same goes for the lyrics.. I'm joking what the fuck were those lyrics? You tried pal.

A small part of we wanted to join the channel and send for him but I knew I'd look like a complete utter fool.

Oh well.

All I knew is that when I got home I was subscribing to LondonGrimeMedia.

SIMON

Throughout the week I started to hear more and more about this 'LondonGrimeMedia' channel until one day after school I decided to look it up.

I clicked on the channel icon and recognised the page instantly. I remembered seeing a guy named Memeulous making a video about a guy on this channel named 'Little T'.

I delved further into the channel, watching a few more videos as I went and soon discovered Sophie Aspin, Afghan Dan, Clarko and Dylan Brewer.

I had to admit some of Sophie's disses were absolute fire and Dan's rapping skills were the shit.

As for Clarko and Dylan, Clarko looked like a numpty who was trying way too hard to stay relevant and Dylan looked like a part-time Roadman who thought he owned the channel.

I considered sending for them.. but where would I start.

I grabbed my red A4 notepad from under my bed, a blue biro from my bedside table and started scribbling down ideas for lyrics.

DRINKING GAME: Drink every time the word 'mate' is used.

'Oi, Clarko my man, yeah
What can you do when you look like a pan?
What's the difference between you and an egg?
The egg gets laid but you just get slayed mate.

Aw mate, you're such a Mummy's boy.
Texts you every 5 minutes, see if you're being a good boy.
You're such a loser, you have no life.
It'd be a miracle if you got a wife!

Bet you play Minecraft every single day
But even then your skin looks really gay
Sorry mate but you can't be cool
Trying to stay relevant, you're a bit of a tool
Fishing for views off of Little T's name
Just tryna use him for fame.

Sorry, Clarko mate, if you've been triggered
Miniminter on the mic yeah, coming
for your crown.

Sorry again mate but you've been over powered.'

That'll do. Now all I have to do is hit up Jack Wilkinson on the cam and film a video for it. I think my work here is done.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Excuse my terrible lyrical abilities, I don't write music. For the lyrics however I did get a little bit of help from my friends @ATallStranger and @kini48434798 on Twitter, follow them! Again, feedback and constructive criticism is appreciated so feel free to leave me advice and pointers in the comments. Thank you, have a great day! -F