lemongrass and sleep // doddleoddle fic

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liza's pov

"see you next month." he said for the ninth time. i nodded sadly, looking at my feet on the concrete ground. he kissed me on my cheek. "i love you."

love. what does that mean?

"i love you too." i force out. i don't mean to, but i still say it. he smiles before getting on the bus.

he waves as the bus pulls away. i wave back. i don't think i'm smiling. he notices, and mirrors my frown back at me.

normally i'd have tear stained cheeks at this point.

every month, vance comes to visit me. he lives in north carolina, which is quite a long way from london. an entire ocean apart.

i can't even remember how we met. but when we did we immediately started dating. everything was fine until the numbness took over. i didn't really feel anything then, and i still don't. but he's sweet and nice and compliments me and i adored the attention at the time.

it's a bit overwhelming now.

i begin the walk back to my apartment. maybe the twenty minute walk in the cold november air would help me clear my mind.

my phone buzzes. i don't have the energy to check it.

i mindlessly made my way down the busy streets until i was facing the front door of the building.

the elevator was empty aside from me. something came over me as i pressed the button for floor nine instead of three. at that moment, i really couldn't have cared less about it.

the doors opened and i was greeted with a small hallway leading to another door that lead to the roof. i wasn't fully aware of what was happening.

the next thing i knew i was sitting on the edge of the building. i wasn't crying. i was numb and done with everything.

i was suddenly aware that i was going to kill myself. until i heard something.

i heard sobbing right.

i slowly raised my head to see a girl.

she had shoulder length hair that was in subtle curls and a plain brown color. she wore a cute black and white stripped dress with black mary janes.

she was gorgeous, to say the least.

"if you're here to stop me, you might as well leave because i've made up my mind." she said.

that made me so sad.

"i don't even know you. go away, leave me alone." she choked out through sobs.

i had no words. she was so sad. she was so beautiful.

she started scooting off the edge.

"no." i squeaked.

"what?" she pushed her hair out of her face, looking down at the world below. "i said don't try to stop me. you don't know me."

she wasn't wrong.

i grabbed her arm before i registered what happened.

our eyes met.

"you're too cute to be this sad."

she giggled, covering it with a cough. "yeah, well, look at you. you're gorgeous. and why are you here? you don't even know me."

"you already said that."

she groaned and shoved her face in her hands. "the moment's gone."

she began to hoist herself back up on the roof, balancing until she no longer needed to.

"see you around." was all she said before she left me alone on the roof. i forgot what i came here for.