SEXUAL ORIENTATIONS

Guest Writers: Experiences Of Being Asexual.

To conclude AAW 2016, we thought it would be enlightening to share some people's experiences of being on the ace spectrum - just as a reminder that yes, asexuals exist and we are out there, slowly rising from the shadows whilst dusting cake crumbs from our mouths.

Note: Please respect people's experiences and opinions. All our AAW posts are safe ace spaces and this is no different - no ridiculing, invalidating or aphobic comments will be allowed.

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Guest Writer 1: Arrow Vibbert {Not on Wattpad} ~

"I had my first real crush when I was around 13. It just so happened that I liked a girl, and I 'knew' girls weren't supposed to like girls. I thought something was wrong with me. It took me a few months or so to admit to myself that I like girls, but I liked boys too. So naturally I googled my "symptoms" and I found the entire spectrum people can fall on just based on who they had a crush on. The term Bisexual was the one I thought I identified with, and for the longest time I would search high and low for people like me. But I never really found anyone. No one like me thought just about holding hands with or hugging a girl or boy. They thought about being with a person in a physical/ sexual way. Again I thought something was wrong with me, I kept asking myself why I couldn't just think differently. I forced myself to talk about vile things to people who seemed to enjoy that kind of talk. I put myself in extremely uncomfortable situations just to feel normal, but I knew I was lying to myself. At the time, I didn't realize that how I felt was completely normal, but for the next few years I pretended I was just Bi. I had a boyfriend for 3 years before I told him, he happened to break up with me because of it, but in those 3 years I hadn't lied to myself or done anything besides hold the guy's hand. It wasn't until I was with my first girlfriend that I actually came out and said straight up that I liked girls and boys, but not in a sexual way. She understood me, and she mentioned this one word that changed my life. She told me about Asexuality. About this orientation that other REAL people identified with. We split after almost 2 years, but to this day I am so grateful for her. Since that relationship I have found terms like Bisensual, and Aromantic (both two very different things), and I finally found people like me. And I couldn't be happier just knowing who I am now. Only a select few know about my being ace but that's okay for now because those people are who I love most, and they except who I am. What more could I ask for?"

Guest Writer Two: Anonymous ~

"I am an aromantic sex-repulsed asexual, and this is part of my story: I actually discovered I was asexual in fifth grade, although I didn't have a word for it, or even a true concept of it at the time. It was after my first sex ed class where they talk about puberty and sex, and I distinctly remember being completely grossed out, which is normal enough for a kid. When I came home that day, I went straight to my mom and told her I was never going to have sex. She laughed it off and told me I'd change my mind when I was older, and I believed her. In ninth grade, we had another sex ed class. My reaction to the material was worse than before. I felt nauseated and uncomfortable the whole time, even when my peers were laughing, making jokes, and seeming fine. I was confused as to why no one else felt like I did, and horrified when I discovered that some of my classmates had already had sex. I thought everyone felt similarly to me. When I went home that night, I told my mom again, "I'm never having sex." She was surprised, but took it a little more seriously than before since I was older. She still believed I would change my mind when I was asked out by a boy I liked, which I never was. I didn't have crushes either, I now realize. My friends would comment on how nice or cute or funny some guy was, so I would search for those traits in guys I knew, and obsess over them with my friends. It turns out I only experience platonic, sensual (as in snuggling), and aesthetic attraction. Finally, my junior year, I decided I wanted to know what was so great about having a boyfriend, so I asked my current squish out. He accepted, and we began the most obviously non-romantic relationship possible. After a long, exhausting roller coaster of people telling us we weren't doing our relationship right and that we were just friends, he broke up with me to get rid of the labels. I was devastated because I lost my best friend. I thought I was inept and unable to love correctly even though I felt so much. I thought I was broken. That friend and I have since made up and are good again now, thankfully. It turns out that he's aromantic too. My main point is that asexuality and aromanticism are invisible, and it's a darn shame. People like me could have used some reassurance to help understand that we're not the only ones who felt this way, that we don't need a romantic relationship to feel complete, and even that sex is not necessary for a successful relationship. The amatonormativity in society is harmful to everyone. I do not dream of a romantic or sexual relationship, but others can as long as they don't expect me to follow suit. Thank you for reading my experience!"