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Candy

As i lay in bed wondering what to do next with myself my life it was plenty of times i wanted to just kill myself i couldn't take the pain no more my heart was so cold towards everybody it wasn't much you could say to me my attitude towards everybody was fuck you get out my face i wasn't having it at all and if everybody only knew the truth behind this cold hearted girl than maybe they'd understand some of where this anger hurt misbelief came from but nobody knew except my sister Mo and i didn't know she knew. To my suprise she didn't tell me until years later well after i finally came out with the truth, i couldn't believe it she knew about this the whole time and never said anything i wonder why but anyways I was thinking about alot at that time i was a senior in high school and it was so much going on i wasn't sure how i was gone to graduate i was missing school for a while and i honestly felt myself giving up but some how i managed to get it together get back in school and make my grades up. The moment i finally told my bestfriend Tae she was so surprised she looked at me and said why you never told me that was going on i was to ashamed to tell anybody that shit for real i just didn't want anybody looking at me like i was lying or i was stupid for letting him do it. I remember when i finally did talk to Mrs. Wilson and the first thing she said to me was did he do that to you i said yeah and her response was and you let him (bitch what the fuck you mean i let him) that's what was going on in my head but i said what you mean and i let him i was twelve i didn't know anything about sex let alone what the hell was going on. But when she said that bull to me i started to go off on her instead i just hung up the phone I was so pissed at her for saying that dumb shit to me all i wanted to do was slap the fuck out of her i really did i was more hurt than mad. I honestly just wanted to get under a rock and cry i was so frustrated with everything that was going on.