The Lunchtime Special

Chapter 31 - Reality Bites

MIA

Two weeks after our sailing excursion, I'm in my parents' kitchen helping mum sort the dishes after dining with them, when the conversation takes an unexpected turn.

"Is Jake flying over this coming weekend?"

"Yes." I've finished stacking plates and cutlery in the dishwasher so start on glassware.

"How much longer will he be in Perth?"

"Another two or three weeks; it depends on the job."

"And then what, love?"

I still and look at her; she has a frown gathering between her brows. "What do you mean?"

"I mean once he's back in Melbourne, what then? Does he continue to come visit most weekends?"

Uneasy at the path this conversation is taking, I answer carefully. "I suppose so. I can go down there sometimes once netball finishes."

"For how long, Mia? Indefinitely?"

That's something I've asked myself on occasion, then pushed to the back of my consciousness in the 'don't want to deal with that just yet' basket. I don't like that she's forcing me to think about it now. "I'm not sure."

"Where do you see this relationship going? It seems to your father and I that it's pretty serious, but you're here with a business you've worked your butt off to make successful, while Jake tells us every time he visits how much he loves living in Melbourne. Have you talked about that?"

With those words she puts my greatest fear front and centre; that Jake and I are incompatible, neither one of us wanting to leave behind the life we've established and not fitting into the other person's life either. I remember the things his mother said to me and wonder if perhaps she wasn't right all along. Not only that, but now I'm wondering why Jake has never brought the subject up; maybe he doesn't see us being long term, maybe I'd just been looking through the rose-tinted glasses of being in love and made that assumption.

Suddenly my limbs feel heavy and it's like there's a fifty kilo weight sitting on my chest. Tears are prickling behind my eyes.

Mum comes closer, arms lifting as if she's about to hug me. "We just don't want to see you hurt, sweetie."

It's too late for that, and in my pain I lash out. "Well, guess what mum? This face is me hurting. Thanks for that." Putting down the pan I was about to stack, I turn and head towards the back door, terrified of what other truths she might force me to face if I stay. "I've got to go; say goodnight to dad for me."

"Mia..."

I don't stop, I don't turn, I don't listen. I run to my car and by the time I get there, my face is wet. Luckily, my keys are in my pocket, so in seconds I'm putting the car in gear and wiping the moisture so I can see. I hear dad's voice calling me but can't deal with it right now; I simply drive off, holding down firmly on a dam of emotion that threatens to overwhelm me. The whole drive home – thankfully a short one – I fight to keep my thoughts on anything but Jake, but once I get there and lock the front door behind me, I let go and sink to the floor as the hurt takes over.

JAKE

By the end of this week I'll be back in Melbourne and as far as I'm concerned it can't come soon enough. Although I've enjoyed my time here in Perth, I miss my flat, my friends and my usual haunts. Dammit, I just miss the city itself – there's plenty of good reasons why it recently won the Most Liveable City in the World accolade for the fifth year in a row.

It will also be great to be back in the same time zone as Sydney, and much closer. Only one of the last three weekends I've flown over to visit Mia and while spending time with her made the long commute totally worth it, I have to admit the journey and jet lag did mess with me.

Thinking of her now reminds me to call. "Hi beautiful, how was your day?"

"Pretty good. How was yours?"

"Great. We're running the last batch of diagnostics, making sure everything we put in place is working smoothly, then Thursday morning we'll be out of here." I'm planning on asking her to join me in Melbourne this weekend, giving me something else to look forward to. Now that her netball season has finished – I'd watched them lose the quarter-final match by two goals a couple of weeks before – she can get away on a Saturday afternoon or even occasionally leave either her employees or her parents in charge of her shop for the day. I'm really looking forward to showing her many of the things I love about my home town.

"Thursday? That's terrific. I bet you're looking forward to being back in Melbourne."

She got that right. "Can't wait," I confirm enthusiastically. "There's a number eight tram with my name on it," I joke, waiting expectantly for her to chuckle and make a remark; instead I'm greeted with silence. I plunge on, still upbeat. "Any chance my gorgeous, sexy, fun girlfriend would care to join me this weekend? You can help me catch up on all my favourite things to do – you didn't get to see that much the last couple of times you were down."

Once again there's silence at the other end but I know she'll need to think out logistics, planning who could take over her workload to give her the opportunity to get away, so I wait patiently.

"Actually Jake, I...can't get away this weekend, I...have plans." My stomach falls and for a moment I can't find words. Mia continues, "But hey, that gives you the chance to catch up with your friends and do those favourite things, so..."

My visions of showing her Melbourne crumble like dust and I have difficulty swallowing my disappointment, then tell myself that's not fair to her; there's been a number of times one or other of us hasn't been able to get away. "Oh, okay," I finally manage to get out. "Well, there's plenty of weekends ahead to show the city off to you." I try to inject a smile into my voice, asking, "What fun are you going to be getting up to?"

There's no hesitation in Mia's answer but something in her voice strikes a chord deep inside me and I make a mental note to analyse it later. "My friends Aimee and Jess are in the local musical society production of Into the Woods, so I'm going to see that." I'd met Aimee and Jess; they and Mia had been friends since school, much like Will and the twins.

"Sounds good," I tell her. I could suggest me going to Springwood but I get the sense she's looking forward to an outing with her girlfriends and I hate to get in the way of female bonding, as would any red-blooded bloke. We chat some more until Mia gives a huge yawn, reminding me it's later where she is, so we wind up the conversation and say our goodbyes. "I love you sweetheart," I say as I'm about to end the call.

A pause so short I almost don't notice it happens before her response comes. "Love you too. Goodnight Jake."

I'm left staring at my phone, an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach and alarm bells ringing faintly in my head. What the hell was that?

MIA

I feel sick. I haven't just lied to Jake; I am going to see my friends in their show, but it's not a long-standing arrangement – I bought my ticket only yesterday. I'd half expected him to suggest coming up here, in which case we could easily get hold of another ticket, but he hadn't, and as well as feeling relieved I'm also, if I'm honest with myself, disappointed. Telling myself that he's done a lot of travelling in the last seven weeks and that he must be looking forward to being in his own home, should stop me feeling sorry for myself – only it doesn't. Instead, I'm wondering whether the allure of Melbourne is greater than the allure of time with me.

Dammit, Mia, snap out of it! No pity parties for one allowed.

I do want to be with Jake, and yet...I don't.

Since the comments from Sienna and then my mum, my thoughts are constantly turning to him and us and all the reasons why I had reservations about a long-distance relationship. What ifs and If Onlys are constantly buzzing around inside my brain until my thoughts are nothing but a jumbled mess and I'm left more confused than ever, so until I can untangle them, I think it's best we're apart. The stress of trying to act the same as always for his calls or visits grows stronger every day, the tension beginning to tell in constant headaches and tight neck and shoulder muscles, but I just can't find an easy solution. Without one of us giving up the lifestyle we hold so dear, there's no way we can move forward - and if we can't move forward, what is the point of being together at all?