endnote.

Chapter Two - civilian

Chapter Two

Since this had all begun Daryl had no end of time to think about how things had all gone down, how swiftly the shit had hit that fan and how his already fractured relationship with his brother had dealt a deeper grove right down the centre when Merle had been left on top of the roof in Atlanta. He envied the pretty little lives that the others in the group had, but the one he envied the most was Beth's, her close knit family network had seen blow after blow since they'd left the farm and even some time before that but they kept on stronger than ever. That was till The Governor had executed Hershel right there in front of the prison; Maggie and Beth's brave faces showed only raw emotional anguish, his heart had hurt that day, not for him; but for her. For Beth.

It had been days since Beth's world turned upside down, felt like weeks since they'd been separated from the group and months since they'd eaten a decent meal that didn't consist of near rotten berries, grass snakes and a watery bran mash they'd found a bag of in a house along their route. Sleeping was an afterthought, he slept only a few hours each night, waking every few to check and rest a comforting hand on his companion - whose night terrors were so close to taking over. He found himself wishing he could place himself in her dreams and fight off whatever demons she faced that night. He would do it for her in a heartbeat, though he wouldn't admit it out loud.

Admitting he cared was reckless; openly showing his emotions was not something he'd ever had the pleasure of feeling, there was compassion deep down in his heart of hearts and every so often, like the weeks following the disappearance of Sophia, it surfaced and knocked him for six; made him feel weak and he wished it would retreat into the shallows again. But this time it was different. This time he didn't want to push it away; his shattered group was more of a family to him now than his own family had been before the apocalypse began. He felt physically displaced by the missing and awkwardly selfless towards the life Beth was now having to live.

His brother would have smacked him upside the head for this; belittled him and made him believe he was worth not an ounce of weight in gold. For a second Daryl was glad he was gone, now he had nothing to tie him to his messed up past, nothing to remind him of those dark days and only an ever brighter shining light in the form of an eighteen year old girl who was curled up next to him, the firelight dancing across her beautiful features. Beth's light had made him feel for once in his life, made him feel human – it was unfamiliar, oddly warming and just a little bit nice. But Beth's light was flickering in the sadness that consumed her, lying in the same position she'd been for hours he watched the rise and fall of her chest. She'd slept most of the day, and when she wasn't sleeping she was sobbing albeit quietly to herself in the corner of their little camp. Daryl yearned to comfort with more than just a simple hand gesture, with more than the odd fleeting gaze. He wanted to pull her close and hug her, tell her everything would be alright, stroke her hair and hush her as she cried. He ached to be there for her the way he wished someone had be there for him as he was growing up.

But even that was foreign to him.

Clearing his throat he shifted his weight to ease an injury to his side that he'd obtained in the confusion at the prison, totally blind-sided by two walkers he had regretfully missed the burly bloke who rammed the butt of his rifle into Daryl's ribs. It wasn't serious and he welcomed the pain, at least that meant he was still alive. They were both still alive. He wondered how many of his new family could say the same, he wondered where they were and a brief wave of sadness washed over him. If Beth didn't eat soon she would be too weak to carry on, even crying needed strength that her little self just didn't have any more. Holding back the emotion he placed his crossbow beside him in the darkness and struggled to his feet. He was getting too old for this! Within a few strides he'd reached the fire and taking the charred squirrel meat down broke it into a bite-sized sections. Reaching for his canteen, he crossed the camp passed the bow and set it down next to Beth's slight form. With a deep breath he shook her awake and offered a small understanding smile when her bleary eyes focused on him. Helping her to sit upright he took a chance and slipping off his jacket Daryl placed it over her shoulders, "Com'on kid, you need these wings more than I do right now.." - he propped her pale, ghostly figure against his own silhouette, adjusting and pulling the jacket around her tighter. A new form of compassion had replaced everything he knew from before this moment; reaching for the plate of food, he coaxed Beth to eat, even if only a little at a time. They may have been alive, Daryl thought, but what good was alive if they forgot how to live. Patiently he waited, every bite, every wretch, every tear... it took several hours before all that was left was crumbs and an exhausted Beth had cried herself to sleep in his arms; he was surprised at how natural it felt to just be and hold her.

"I wanted to love you like I wanted to give you everything.."

Placing a light kiss on the top of her head, Daryl pulled the bow closer and took up his familiar position, keeping watch.. over the both of them.

"I know my faults, but I can hide them.."

(Lyric Credits: "Civilian" by Wye Oak)