Casting Grey

Chapter 13

I kept recalling scenes from the past, albeit them being happy or unhappy ones. I dreamt of me and Chae, just lying on the rooftop snugly with each other, a blanket draped over us, and me holding a steaming mug of hot chocolate in my hands while we gazed at the starts. Chae would often fantasise what it would be like to live amongst the stars, floating around aimlessly while gazing up in wonder. I often teased her, telling her that we would go up to the milky way one day for our honeymoon, and she never once forgot to recall this "promise" of mine during our anniversaries, until that year. So far, the job has been relatively fine and stable, with me recording some songs here and there with Kush and Choice37 along the way. There hasn't been much since the incident and Chae was often away for fashion weeks. About the other members of Big Bang, well... we've disbanded temporarily, until the useless leader in me, gets us back onto the right track, at the right time. Things that I wanted to tell Chae, and sins that I would want to confess to those whom I've wronged, are still being bottled up within me. When would be the right time to tell all of them, that I'm sorry? Appa has been kind enough to bear with me, and he has been giving me numerous opportunities to shine as a solo artist, obviously not under the name of G-Dragon. That might rise suspicion amongst the V.I.Ps... 

I started humming to a tune that I got used to, drumming the pencil against the clipboard where all the funky lyrics and keys are then slowly being comprehended by. Although it may not seem like an easy task, I have been doing this since I entered this building- 2 songs per week, was Appa's requirements of me. Just as i was beginning to get the gist of the rhythmic tune of the melody, Kush dashed into the recording room, his face flushed red from fatigue. "Yah, Appa is looking for you, ppali!" I wondered what it was, to make Kush so excited. 

I went to Appa's room and knocked on the door twice, before being greeted by a deep voice to tell me to enter. 

"Ji Yong, I know that you have been working very hard these few months, but don' you think something should be done?" Appa asked me with concern. Then, I had no clue what he was trying to say. Did I do something wrong again? Did someone had to suffer because of my selfishness once again? These kind of thoughts kept swarming inside my mind endlessly as I kept my face facing the ground. 

"Ji Yong ah... I think it should be time you and the rest of the Big Bang members reunite together, seeing you gain more strength from day to day..." Appa smiled comfortingly. What? Reuniting with Big Bang was not exactly the ideal thing, yet it was a much better alternative than to confess my sins to the whole company, right? I would no doubt, face the wrath and hatred of the members, but I know that they would forgive me soon enough. They are not the type who would bear grudges, especially for this hyung, who did not even deserve them to remember or think about. 

"Appa... I don't really  know about this idea. I just came into the company a few months ago and they do not even know I came back. Now you want us to be together and release a comeback as well? Don't you think this is too rushed?" I was extremely worried. What if my panic attack started again. Everything would be screwed up. 

"Ji Yong, don't worry. If I had appointed you as the team leader of Big Bang many years ago, it shows that I trust you. I believe that you have the capability and skills to lead this team, and also to remember not to repeat the same mistakes again. There is only one chance left, one chance, for you to redeem and prove yourself to everyone out there. Think about it, think about your future GD..." Appa said with a sigh at last, and went out of the room to get himself a drink. I was extremely conflicted at that moment. I wanted to prove myself to everyone, and let them get a correct view of who GD actually is. This sin of mine cannot deepen further. If you wanna succeed, you would have to endure no matter how hard it is gonna be Kwon Ji Yong.