The Feeling of Love (HongIce)

I didn't know where I was when I woke up, I didn't know who the people around me were, I didn't even know who I was. I can only really remember a crash. I'm not even sure what kind of crash, it's all blurred and foggy. I can't describe it too well, I had woken up in a white room, in a white bed with a lot a machinery. All I could think was that I was in the hospital, and I was right. Next, there were people around me. Four people to be exact. They all looked concerned, some more than others. There was a young looking man who looked the most concerned, he had a rather feminine figure. Next to him was a tall, intimidating guy, who had a slight look of concern, but I could just tell that he was more concerned than he appeared to be. The next man had extravagant hair, spiked up in all directions, and he had a fake smile on his face, trying to reassure the others. The last man looked the least worried, but was the most concerned. They all seemed excited when I woke up. They all crowded around me,

"Emil!" Said the youngest one, "How are you feeling? Are you okay?" The name Emil was unfamiliar to me, I was confused as to why these people I didn't know where so concerned about me. I struggled to put all the questions into words, I just said the first thing on my mind,

"W-who are you..?" Their faces fell. I instantly panicked. Had I said something wrong? Why were they so upset? The man who showed the least emotion left the room. The young man quickly regained his composure and smiled at me,

"My name's Tino, this is Berwald," he said, gesturing to the intimidating man next to him, then moving to the other man in the room, "this is Matthias, and the man who just left is Lukas, your older brother." The words echoed in my mind. How come I hadn't been able to remember if I had a brother? My mind was spinning now, I was confused. More than confused. I stayed in a shocked silence before Matthias spoke,

"Do ya remember us Emil..? D-do ya remember anything..?" His voice was shaking as if he was about to cry. I didn't want to upset anyone, but I had to be honest.

"I-I don't remember anything... Is my name Emil..? I can't think straight..." I saw a tear fall down Matthias's cheek before he quickly wiped it away,

"Yeah... You're Emil..." He was going to say something else, but was interrupted by Tino,

"Matthias! What about Leon?" Matthias's face fell once again. Leon? The name sounded familiar...

"Who's Leon..? He sounds familiar..." Tino's eyes lit up.

"Does he? Can you remember what he looks like? What his personality is?" I searched my brain, but I could only find one word,

"Warm..."

"Warm?" Matthias echoed

"Yes... It's the first word I thought of..." At that moment, Lukas came into the room, his eyes were red, as if he had been crying. The others seemed to overlook this. He walked straight to me, almost ignoring the others,

"How are you feeling, Emil?" I answered truthfully,

"Confused." He nodded his head.

"I'll ask the doctor about this. I'll see if I can find out what kind of amnesia it is." He spoke in a monotone voice. I looked at my brother as he walked away, and I wondered how we could be related. He didn't look like he felt any emotion, whereas I was drowning in them. I was still wondering about Leon, he felt important, but I didn't know why. I was cursing in my mind, why couldn't I remember anything?! Tino started to speak to me again,

"I suppose we should tell you who Leon is then," I nodded my head, urging him to go on, "He's from Asia, Hong Kong to be exact, and he has a few siblings. You met him at school. You two are best friends. Emil, Leon's your boyfriend." I felt sick. I started to cry. I had a boyfriend, and I couldn't even remember him! My mind went swimming, I was ignoring everything else, I just wanted to find one memory. One precious memory that would help me remember Leon. I hardly realised that someone else had entered the room until he started shouting,

"Emil! Are you okay?! Please Emil!" I could hear in his voice he was crying. I looked up to see a boy with medium length brown hair, amber eyes and tears streaming down his face. Something in my mind clicked,

"L-Leon..?" He smiled and nodded. I saw Tino smile in the corner of my eye. It was weird. I knew Leon loved me, and I loved him, but I couldn't remember anything about him except from the word 'warm'. Leon's hand held onto mine as he walked to the side of my bed,

"I heard about the amnesia... How much do you remember..?" I could tell that he was hoping that I said I remember him. I wish I could. I don't want to see him upset. Then I realised, I remember all my feelings. I remember that I love Leon, and I feel that love for him, maybe that's why I said 'warm', because the feeling of love is warm. I turned to him and tried to smile,

"Feelings... I remember feelings..." Tino looked at Berwald confused, but Berwald just raised a hand telling him not to worry. Leon looked at me, smiling slightly,

"What kind of feelings?" I turned to Tino and smiled,

"The first thing I though about you, Leon, was warm... I just realised that love... Feels warm..." I looked back at Leon, hoping he understood what I meant. He nodded and smiled. He didn't say anything, he didn't need to. There was just a moment of silence between us that showed respect for the other.

I woke up the next day in a horrible pain. I could hear Leon by my side shouting, panicking. The pain was unbearable, I screamed until my throat was dry. It dwelled in my stomach, destroying me from the inside, ripping up my organs. Everything went into a numb pain. All I could feel was this stabbing sensation and the pain with it. Leon's voice was drowned out an everything went silent. I could only feel my pain blinding me, obscuring my sight with red. I just wanted it to end. I just wanted to die. Be careful what you wish for, now I wonder the earth on my own. I have my memories back, I often sit by my grave thinking about the past. I sit here and everyday, without fail, I get one visitor. The others have gotten over it, Leon still lives in the past. The last proper moments I got to spend with him and I barely remembered him. One day, about a year after my death, Leon came to visit, having never missed a day. He had something in his hand. I didn't realise what it was until he pulled it out and shoved it into his own heart. I watched in horror. My death had sent him into a state of pure depression, and he had just ended it in front of my grave. I saw his spirit rise from his paling body. Can spirits touch each other? There was only one way to find out. He was facing the opposite direction and I grabbed his hand. The answer to my question was yes. I have all I need now, I can stay like this forever.