A leaf in the wind

Mr.Perfect

Heartbreak,
sorrow drowns the light,
Rips it from my fragile heart,
Gasping for a breath of fresh air,
Reaching for the surface,
To be pulled farther down into the darkness,
This darkness is but myself,
How do I escape myself?
I can't,
I become one with this darkness,
This new feeling I start to enjoy,
Being broken and broken again,
Dissolving in the darkness,
I gather new friends,
This brings me a new joy,
A seemingly more pleasant joy,
They to are broken,
Much like myself,
But they are far less damaged by life,
They flock to me to help them,
To save them from their problems,
To solve their problems,
To piece them back together,
But what about me?
Who will put my many pieces back together?
No selfish, stop it!
A war is waged in my head once more,
As I simply cry out in defeat,
No one is going to put little petty me back together,
I have to do it my self,
My self,
I'm unsure if I can save myself,
I wander through many dark, hallowed paths in my mind,
Wondering farther in my own deep,
Dark abyss,
I make a new friend,
But this one is different,
He's untouched,
Still pure,
Still real happy,
Not these fake happy smiles and grins that I have come to put on,
He chips away at my mask,
I learn once more how to be,
Well less, not happy,
He nurses me back to health,
I internally giggle at the thought of him being a nurse,
I fear although,
he is as pure and white as I once was,
That I will contaminate him,
drag him into a darkness he can not withstand,
I don't wish to do such things, ever!
But some how I can't pull away from this boy,
Is it that he actually cares?
Or maybe because he tells me his version of the truth he believes is true?
This all maybe confusing,
But is it really?
For life is but an hour glass slowly leaking its life essence into the opposite end,
I refuse to waste his precious granules,
But he keeps drawing me in,
Why can't I shake these feelings?
Have I learned to love once more?
I thought I was incapable of such emotions,
After such life events,
And it all goes back to the night of a million shattered disco balls,
That lay broken, like myself, on the cold floor of the earth,
I can hear the angels singing,
I can see light restored in my once dark eyes,
But a storm brews deep beneath them,
They know what comes in the end,
They don't want us hurt again,
Humans die,
It's their circle of life,
I would want us to die together,
Just so the other will never have to feel the pain of their love being broken,
I don't want him to hurt,
Not like I did,
No one deserves to hurt,
Do I keep him persevered,
With his own passion,
Keeping his pride secured,
But no,
I can't just leave him alone,
He says he trusts me,
But do I trust that?
I keep running but in circles,
I try to run from my self,
But run right into my own back,
The screams echo and ring in my head,
The words latch onto my ears,
The memories wielded into my brain,
The tears Hide inside my eyes,
Waiting to spill their silky, warmth on the cold, hard floor,
I listen and wait,
I still don't know what I'm waiting for,
I just don't know anymore,
I'm here,
I'm there,
I'm legit everywhere,
So could he be my anchor,
Maybe help me escape my life,
Life how I use to,
Just sitting,
Gazing at the stars above,
And hearing the sounds of the broken breeze,
And just watch and listen,
Etching the serenity into my mind,
Forcing myself to recall it's Devine beauty,
For future reference,
When I can no longer recollect it,
As I think back nature has taught me the most,
The grass whispered in my willing ears,
The hawks watched upon the land,
The trees held knowledge,
Insight no one else may have known,
Everything in harmony,
So why did I stray from it?
So many questions so little time,
So many things to do,
But not enough time,
Not enough time,
Tick tock,
Tick tock,
A swaying pendulum,
In an expired grandfather clock,
A 14 year old,
Forcing himself to be older,
Taking on things he shouldn't have to,
Learning of the world and it's truths,
But what have I truly learned,
That there is few people that find peace,
True peace,
A terrifying bliss,
An untold story,
Where are your pages going to lead you?
This is a question many can't answer,
Because they simply don't know,
So Mr.Perfect,
How many chapters do you have?
How many pages ripped out and strewn on the never ending floor?
How many pages beaten and crinkled and cracked?
My guess is few if any,
I don't wish to remove any pages from your book,
But I wish for you to add some to mine,
Even more than you already have,
For those pages,
the paper is far less damaged,
The words holding more of a light,
The letters freeing them self off the paper in playful joy,
I never want to see a precious page ripped from your tightly bound life,
And let me guess you never want to see my book fall apart again,
Perhaps you'll stitch me up better.
Or perhaps just hold me together,
Or slam me on the floor,
And watch me waste away,
Pages flowing out,
Flying into the fire of your eyes,
Singeing into crisp, black whispers in the air,
Burn me to the ground,
I only hope you will re-write me to a better perfection,
Is that what happened to you?
Mr.Perfect,
I hate such words to describe me,
But they fit so, dare I say,
Perfectly to you,
I have learnt much from one as bright as I once was,
Are these thing I have taught people?
If so I have work to be me again,
And this was suppose to be about Mr.Perfect wasn't it?
What else can I say?
He is himself,
He is perfect,
And I have the pleasure of knowing him,
Your truly Mr.Perfect,
I wish to once again be like you,
Love ya, Mr.perfect.

Sincerely,
The broken boy,
The wingless angel,
The shameful man,
Me, myself, and I