Damaged

Questions and Answers

"Nat? What happened... your hands..." Bucky knelt down in front of me, grabbing my hands with his, refusing to let me pull away from him "Please, let me see..." he pried open my clenched fists, the bleeding had finally slowed and he shook his head at me, pulling me up from the bed and leading me into the bathroom "I'm going to clean you up alright? Just, hold still for me..." he moved me over to the sink and held my hands under the faucet as cold water ran over them, the bowl quickly turning a crimson color as he gently rubbed my palms, washing away what I'd done to myself. I whimpered in pain when he cleaned them even more with the alcohol wipes, and he kept muttering apologies under his breath as he tightly wrapped a gauze bandage around each hand.

"Bucky..." I spoke up for the first time since he'd cleaned me up... I was now cradled in his lap, my head resting against his bare chest as his fingers softly played with my hair. He'd taken his shirt off, to give me more skin contact, which I'd resisted at first, telling him he didn't need to bother with me, to just let me go back to my room and be alone, but he had insisted, picking me up in his arms and carrying me down the hallway to my room and sitting down on the edge of my bed.

"Mhmmm?" Bucky laid back on the covers, re positioning me so I was laying next to him but was still able to rest my head against him. My fingers traced along the line where the metal arm connected to his body, causing him to shift beneath me.

"Thank you..." I decided against what I had originally wanted to say, choosing to instead live in the moment of pure comfort I was experiencing as Bucky held me against him. He didn't respond to me, only giving me a small smile, and that was the last image in my mind as I drifted off to sleep with his arm still wrapped around me, my head against his chest as it slowly rose and fell with each breath.
-
-
-
*Bucky's POV*

"Hey Chris, is Banner available tomorrow? I don't know if she can wait much longer..." I watched him as he pulled his phone out of his pocket, dialing a number and smirking at me as I pulled a shirt over my head. Natalie had fallen asleep fairly quickly, and I had made sure she was soundly asleep before I left her room. I didn't know exactly what it was that made me feel so drawn to her... but knowing now, that she was tortured in the same place I was, I felt this need to protect her. Maybe... I was drawn to her because we shared the same need for skin to skin contact. Hers happened for a different reason of course, because every time someone touched her skin it caused an excruciating amount of pain...

"Hey Buck, Banner says to bring her over whenever we want, they'll set up everything right now... alright? Bucky?" Steve put his hand on my shoulder, causing me to jump and we both started laughing, quietly of course "I've never seen you this distracted man, is it all because of Nat?"

"You know everything they did to me Steve... what it... turned me into..." I walked towards her bedroom, peaking through the doorway, checking on her yet again to make sure she was alright "She doesn't deserve any of this..." I trailed off as I walked back towards the kitchen, where Steve was leaning against the counter, his car keys in hand "Nah man, let's let her sleep..."

"Bucky... they're ready right now." He moved to walk towards her bedroom, but I stepped in front of him, blocking his way "Alright. Fine. But as soon as Nat wakes up, we're leaving." I nodded at him, waiting until he'd put his keys back on the hook by the door before I made my way back to her room, very quietly opening the door, gently pulling the covers back on her bed and climbing in behind her. She was mumbling things under her breath, her bandaged hands shaking as she held tightly to the edge of the blanket. I scooted a little closer to her, and as soon as my arm came to rest on top of her torso, her body stopped shaking, immediately relaxing into my touch, her ragged breaths becoming more normal. I felt my own eyes getting tired as her hand gripped onto mine in her sleep. I just wanted her to feel safe...
-
-
-
*Natalie's POV*

"This machine is going to scan you, so we can pick up on anything that could be causing your symptoms." I nodded as Banner kept explaining the tests they were going to run, he knew I was nervous, being in a lab, and he was being extremely patient with me when I kept asking questions "Bucky will be right out there, Stark will be in the next room, and I'll be at the monitor, so if at any time you feel uncomfortable, please tell us alright?" Bucky gave me a small wave from behind the glass of the room he was in, and I smiled at him as I laid down on the table. Banner stepped off to the side where they had a bunch of computers set up, pushing several buttons as a light came on above me, and a bar rose up from the side of the table and began moving over my body. Every time it got close to my skin, I would flinch. I knew it was a machine, that it couldn't hurt me, or really, that they wouldn't let it, but when my eyes closed I kept seeing images of that place, when they'd done things to me... How long was this going to take?

"Can Bucky come in here?" I had finally hit my limit, when Stark had turned on some machine that made a noise that triggered something in my mind, and I bit the inside of my lip so hard that I could taste blood. Banner waved him over, a concerned look crossing over his face as the machine was turned off. Bucky took my hand, helping me sit up on the table, rubbing calming circles against my back as I took slow breaths, my eyes glowing for a brief moment before I closed them. I relaxed even more when I felt his warm hand against mine, our fingers intertwining, my forehead coming to rest against his. Time slowed to a crawl, when I opened my eyes and found Bucky staring directly at me, his own eyes filled with concern, and a hint of something else...

"Better?" He muttered under his breath, placing a gentle kiss against my forehead before pulling away from me, waiting for me to nod at him before he let go of my hand. My heart was racing at what felt like a million miles a second, and it wasn't even because I was nervous about what they were doing, about the tests they were running. It was because of this, connection I felt to Bucky. I was afraid, to get too close to him, to rely on him too much, but when he was the only one that was able to satiate my need for skin to skin contact... I was so distracted by my own thoughts that I didn't hear what Banner had asked me, and I flinched away from him when he put his hand on my shoulder.

"Gloves..." he waved his hands in front of me, causing me to crack a smile as he continued talking "We've got enough to work with Nat. If you three want to hang out, while Stark and I go over the data...?"