It's been about a year and i still think its my fault. Theres about 100 people left living. Most of them are scouts and no more than 10 cilvians.
I thought this plan would work but it cost more than most of what was left of humanity, it cost my best friend and my boyfriend.
No no eren is still alive but not in the way we would conseder him to be.
I really thought this would all work but it didnt. All the walls fell and theres nothing left. So meany people died. I convinced myself that this place was safe and its proven its worth for the last year or so.
Now a days i barley talk. Most people talk to keep themselfs from going insaine. But it doesnt help that we are being picked off.
Lately writing and reading has been difficult, not that im thinking of eren but thats a part of it, no no just my skills has been deciding. I use to pride myself in being smart and so did my friends, now look where that got us.
I keep trying to make plans but after losing so meany i cant see 100 people comeing back. We might aswell face it we are all dead. Humaity died.
The only time eren ever moves enymore it to go out to get us all food. Hes the only one who can make it out there ya know. All he does is sit and look at a wall. He doesnt sleep nor talk. I dont blame him. Hes so week, his once toned body and fraim was no more, and his mental state probably isnt well and shifting once every week takes a toal.
Theres nothing really left of him. to be honest theres nothing left of us. I thought about leaveing him but..... That would only worsen him.... Who would like to be left alone with there thoughts forver.... What that could do to a person. But i can hardly stand it. I know now that my dreems cant come true and what once gave me hope now makes me depresed. The only thing left of hope is around erens neck not careing. Its not like eren allready sits and thinks about who knows what, in depression. Hes taken whay worse things that use to be a big insult to him and just like that a fight but all he does is look at that stupid wall. Hes even colder than levi now. I dont know how my hot headed explosive boyfriend came to be so lacking and emotionless.
I went and sat next to him. I looked into what use to be eyes full of excitement is now just nothing, glazed over with a blank exprishion.
"Hay Eren" i said but like every time i try to talk to him thers no response.
"Eren i cant do this" nothing canged "ive thought of leaving you so meany times"
Thats when he showed a bit of something behind those emotionless eyes.
"I DONT KNOW WHY I STAY" i yelled and he flinched slightly that was it i had it and i could see a sight bit of ander ans sarow in his eyes. That it no going back now.
"I CANT LIVE LIKE THIS. You show me nothing and if you cant then whats the point in me staying." he reamed slient and almost completly emotionless.
"Everything is telling me to leave but i dont want to." i truly wouldent know what would happen. Whatever chance we have would truly be gone "what would happen if i left. Would you stop responding completely. Would you stop getting us food." there was no responce from him.
"The eren i knew wouldent just sit there and take all this" he looked at me with those emotionless eyes witch, once were alive and strong.
"Things change" his voice, oh god his voice was hardly there, yea mine was starchy but his.
"Why" we both had no answer. He looked at me with the slightest pity before looking back at the wall. My leg started to move like a nervous tick. I started to get scared. Scared of him, what has happend to him. The person i use to be in love with, im scared of him.
"I hate this" i palsed for a second just enough for him to to say "bu-" i cut him off "i hate what you are" i practly hissed.
He stood up, looking drectly at me. He was supper weak. most of his muscle mass was gone from his once toned body. He looked like he could break. Still he was stronger than me.
"This isnt who i came to love. Its hard to call you alive. Your the only one i bother talking to. If i didnt talk to you i would kill myself." he stood close to me for the frist time in a while.
I looked in his eyes the looked like they could hurt me. Would he, could he!
A sharp blow came to my cheek. I didnt break eye contact but i sat on the floor. In all the years of me knowing him, all the times he protected me, he never once slaped me. It was shocking but what was more what in a moment he had me up on my feet and his lips on mine.
Wait he is kissing me. It took a cuople seconds but i returned the kiss. Soon we broke due to lack of oxygen. I knew then that he would be alright for now. Right now is ok. Hes still here and still loves me.
