hold me tight + yoonmin

ten

×jungkook

it hurts. everything hurts. what hurts the most, though, is that the feeling of breathing should make me feel alive and free, but why do i feel like i'm drowning? why can't i be normal like other people? why do i have to be afraid of everything? why do i have to shove food down my throat, only for it to force it's way back up? why do i not a get a break, why can't i close my eyes without having them fly open with a force that make my eyes tear up? life is unfair, i don't want to be here anymore...

i barely registered the tears that i tried so hard to contain overflow, cascading down my cheeks. only when the first of the many tears that had started to collect at the bottom of my chin fell, staining the white carpet with the emotions that the lone droplet of water held did i allow myself to cry. i never usually cried. crying and crying are two extremely different things. opposite ends of the pole. i can't explain how they are different, but one thing i know for sure is that when you cry, nothing is held back. nothing at all.

there was silence, and then there were whimpers, and then there was raw emotion that was far from beautiful. i screamed until i didn't recognize myself anymore. as i choked on my tears, everything grew quiet again and i closed my eyes. running my hands along the length of my left arm, i felt the scabs that decorated my skin. i found it amusing, though, that the only part of myself that i thought was beautiful were my scars. my self-inflicted scars.

jimin was okay now, and my angel– i mean, taehyung, they didn't know, so it was okay, right? i should have known that after all this while, nothing goes the way you want it to...

and that is why i find my head snapping up from it's position between my knees that had been hugged to my chest when i hear a voice that belonged to someone who didn't deserve all the hurt he's been through— jimin.

"...kookie hyung.."

i stared in horror with glassy eyes at the two people— or should i say, a person and a figment of my imagination. jimin wasn't standing in the doorway, that was just me. it was just me and my imagination, once again. that voice, it didn't belong to the real jimin because he was in his room, far, far away from the one i was currently in. instead, the jimin that was slowly limping towards me had empty sockets for eyes, blood dripping from them as though he was crying blood. his lips were upturned, one side higher than the other with sharp teeth being bared. his clothes were tattered and he was holding a chopper. he was covered in blood and the rustic smell that emanated from him made everything even hazier than it already was. i struggled to keep my eyes open though, because as he brought his chopper down, i knew that if i wasn't concious, the other person, the real one, was going to hurt me even more than unreal jimin was going to.

the real one was going to break me.

i knew that running away would be futile though, so as he reached me and picked me up, all i could do was give him my brightest smile despite the fear in my eyes and the tears that had started to spill once again.

taehyung's dad, please let me see daylight tomorrow. even if i am suicidal, at least let me say goodbye properly.

as he walked past the room taehyung and jimin were in, i heard taehyung crying softly and jimin laughing. they were okay. they were going to be okay. i looked up, only to see him looking down at me with eyes full of hatred. he smiled sweetly, a complete contrast to what he felt. coming to a stop, he leaned down, his lips brushing the shell of my ear.

" jeon jungkook, how many times have i told you not to talk to my son? he is not gay, and he will never be. i will not let a faggot like you near my pride. if you won't stay away, i'll make you."

that was all i heard before i felt myself fall.
is this goodbye? please don't let this be goodbye. i want to feel arms around me just one more time. i want to laugh and cry, just one more time. please let me,
just one
more
time...

a/n ;;
hello cuties i've been gone for so long but i am back and i shall update lots to make up for my absence !! thank you for following me and always supporting me, wattpad has been a great help to me, and having people support me means a lot. thank you once again.  -dae